Wrap up the year in a way that feels good - do a WINE analysis.

Welcome to December, a perfect month to look back on the year in a way that gives energy and insight for the year ahead.

I suggest that you do a WINE analysis of the year that is now coming to an end. 

You will shift the focus from "all the things you didn't get done" to the things you have experienced and achieved this year.

This will empower you and give you a great platform for new goals next year!

We are used to focusing on all the things we have not yet done. Too often we beat ourselves up about it. This drains our energy and makes us even less likely to achieve future goals.

What we often forget is that we get things done and we experience and achieve things all the time. Recognising this increases our energy and our chances of achieving more in the future.

What I suggest you do in December is to take some time out, together with your loved ones if you can, and do a WINE analysis.

WINE is an acronym for

• Winning
• Influence
• Needed
• Enjoyment

Reflecting about what you have experienced this year in these 4 areas in 3 of your life spheres is likely to make you happy and proud!

Instructions for How to find time in December:

1. Set aside one hour for reflection. Alone or with your loved ones.
2. Sit down with pen and paper (or computer if you turn off notifications that distract you) and look at each area and life sphere in the WINE analysis. Write down what you have achieved and experienced in these areas. Celebrate and enjoy! Learn and grow!

This template is available in my Holistic Time Management Planner (available on Amazon).

If you don't have or want the planner, just create your own table. 

I hope you will enjoy reflecting about the year and finding energy and time!

Your ethical will: What do you regret?

 Welcome to Twelve essential questions to tell a life story. By joining me in twelve blogposts you will create what Rabbi Leder calls your ethical will.

By answering the questions your loved ones will get to know you deeper and you will understand yourself better. Let your memories bring meaning!

To join – read the blogposts, reflect on the questions and write down your own answers. You are very welcome to share them in the comments but you can of course also keep your answers in a document that is for your eyes only for now.

Welcome on an interesting journey!

What do you regret?

Before I give my answer, I will share one of the answers in the book For you when I am gone:

“I spent too much time comparing, judging, seeking approval, being hurt, wanting approval, looking outward for happiness. Now I want to forgive, to accept people for who and how they are. I can’t waste time trying to change them, I can only change my expectations of them. I don’t want to spend time anymore being hurt.”

This makes me think of Anouk’s wonderful song: I don’t wanna hurt, a song Jenny sings in my book Jenny, Jenny / Love, guilt, and motorcycles. You can find the song on Spotify. 

When I first saw this question I frowned. I don’t believe in regret. As you may know I am a Timefinder and regrets and worry should be avoided. They are major time- and energy wasters.

But I believed Steve Leder knew what he was talking about, so I gave it some more thought.  

What if I looked at the question about regret as something I wish I would have done differently, even if I don’t dwell on it anymore? When looking at it that way I found answers that indeed helped me understand myself better.

There are things I have done that didn’t work out as intended. I don’t regret these, not if they felt right in the moment. What I do regret is when I did something that felt downright wrong in the moment and I reasoned myself into thinking it was the right thing to do anyway.

This was when our first son was a baby. I had started working again and it was my husband’s turn to be on paternity leave. When I had put our son to sleep I had often put him in bed with me. My husband wanted to teach him to sleep in his own bed and at times would leave him there before he had fallen asleep, even if he would scream and cry. My husband had been told that was the way to do it. "If you fuss with them they will never stop. Let them scream. Eventually they will calm down and fall asleep."

Everytime my son would scream and my husband wouldn’t go into him I had a physical reaction. My heart, my instincts, everything inside of me shouted: Go to him. Pick him up. Comfort him. Instead I listened to my head. It’s my husband’s turn. I can’t tell him how to do it. He does it his way, I do it my way.

Sometimes I would walk out of the house since I just couldn’t stand hearing the crying without doing something about it.

This regret is not because something turned out badly. Our oldest son is just fine. What I regret was not listening to my heart.

My advice to my loved ones: Listen to your heart. It may lead you into thorny, difficult situations at times but you will never regret following that inner voice.

Now it’s your turn:

What do you regret?

How to find time in November - give yourself the right nutrition

Do you often eat mindlessly and quickly while you do something else, telling yourself you "save time" by doing so?

If you do this now and then, don't worry. We can handle almost anything for a short period of time. 

If you do it frequently though, you are not giving yourself the energy and care you need to make the most of your time and yourself. 

Take care of yourself and your time by giving yourself the kind of nutrition that gives energy and health.

You don’t have to learn a new, fancy diet. 

The simple guidelines I share in this month’s video will be enough.

Simple, straightforward solutions are easier to follow than complicated ones.

That's why I like Michael Pollan's advice about what to eat:

Eat food, not too much, mostly plants.

If on top of that, you sleep enough and move regularly you can let yourself eat a bit crazy during the holidays coming up in December.

Going Deeper

For more help to get more done with less effort and deeper joy, read or listen to my book Beyond Efficiency.

If you already have the book and want to talk to me and others about how to apply what you are learning, join the Monthly Timefinder Coaching Sessions!

Take care of and responsibility for yourself, your time and your life.

3 time management lessons from Country Queen Jill Johnson

Foto av Bengt Nyman. Wikimedia Commons

Jill went on tour with Tomboola Band when she was 14 years old. How did her parents dare to let her go on tour that young?

Jill says her parents knew she was a good girl; they could trust her.

When it comes to what Jill lets her teenage daughter do she differentiates between real dangers and her own fears. We learn by living and Jill doesn’t want to stifle her daughter’s learning because of fear.

Lesson 1: Trust your loved ones

By trusting your loved ones, you will spend less time and energy worrying and controlling them. Not only will you save time and energy, you will also take good care of your relationships with this approach.

When Jill was 22 years old she fell in love with a man who had children from a previous relationship. She did all she could to fit in, and she managed. Jill became a valued part of the family. In hindsight she sees that it came at a cost. She is proud of what she did for others, but not proud about losing herself on the way. When she learned to use what she calls ”the magical word No” she found a way to combine the two.

Lesson 2: Care for yourself and others

Giving all you have to others will eventually dry you up. If you care for yourself and others you will continuously have a well to take and give from.

Caring for yourself is a great gift to people around you. Learning to powerfully say no is an important part of that. We recently had a webinar about this in the Timefinder Academy and I am adding it to my leadership courses so I can help more people with this.

Jill’s career has gone well, so well she got overwhelmed. She went to see a therapist. At first she found it embarrassing so she called it stress management. Now she says that everyone who can afford it should talk to a therapist.

“In reality I am paying to talk to myself”, she says, going on to say that if she doesn’t reflect her soul falls behind. It’s not until she stops to think and feel that it catches up again.

Lesson 3: Let your soul catch up

When you take time to reflect about life, your soul catches up with you. Going to a therapist/coach/friend can help you talk to yourself.

We often underestimate the power of reflection. I hope you don’t. It is a core part of all coaching and training I give.

You can start here and now. 

Pick one day in the week or one time in the day when you set aside a few minutes to reflect about your day or week. This will automatically calm you down and will most likely remind you about things you would have otherwise forgotten. Believe me, it is worth these few minutes.

I am wrapping up this blogpost with one of Jill’s songs. It has inspired my husband and I to include “Roots and Wings” in our visions for how we want to live.  

Just cause you got roots

Doesn’t mean you can’t have wings

You can listen to it on Spotify here.

How to find time in October - Eisenhower with a twist

Do you feel rushed and behind?

We often do in this quarter. 

Many goals, be they personal or professional, have their due date at the end of the year.

It is easy to get stuck in the zone of demand where everything seems urgent 🏃and important ❗

This is not a good place to be, at least not for long.

This month I am going to help you move away from continuous urgency by using the Eisenhower Matrix with a twist.

The Eisenhower Matrix is a helpful tool for planning and prioritising your day. I suggest you take it a step further than most of the free resources you can find online suggest.

From my book Beyond Efficiency

Everything in the zone of demands (quadrant 1) is urgent and important. Many of the leaders I coach and train like being in this zone. This is where they feel alive; it is where they get the adrenaline pumping and feel efficient. No procrastination or working slowly. The way forward is clear. We need to get this done, go, go, go!

There is nothing wrong with this zone. I can also enjoy being in it. But we don’t want to be stuck in it. Unfortunately, it’s easy to get stuck here, to be in firefighting mode all the time.

The general advice for tasks in this zone is simple: DO. These activities are urgent and important, just DO them.

My additional recommendation is to minimise the time you spend in this zone. Don’t fall in love with it. Adrenaline junkies are rarely able to work with innovation, visions and long-term improvements.

**

To help you escape the efficiency trap and get more done with less effort and deeper joy, I have written the book Beyond Efficiency.

 You can read about it on this page. 

If you have already read the book, or if you have learned Courageous / Holistic Time Management with me before and would like further support, consider joining the next monthly Group coaching session. You can read all about it on this page. 

What entrepreneur do you admire?

“Think of an entrepreneur”, the teacher in my middle son’s class said.

Before you read on, please do the same. Think of an entrepreneur.

Then the teacher said:

“Raise your hand if you thought of a woman.”

My son was the only one raising his hand.

What about you? Did you think of a woman?

 It is easy to go for the first names we think of. The ones we often see in the news. 

Like Elon Musk, Jeff Bezos, Richard Branson.

There are, of course, many women entrepreneurs too.

Let me mention five in this text – and then I would love to read your examples in the comments!

Oprah Winfrey – founder of media company Harpo Inc. and co-founder of Oxygen Media. She is also the queen of talk shows and an overall impressive woman.

Annie Tao – co-founder of Horizon Robotics, a company that provides embedded Artificial Intelligence solutions.

Dolly Parton – owner of several businesses including the theme park Dollywood and the pet apparel line Doggy Parton. And then she is of course a marvellous singer-songwriter. 

Gunilla von Platen - founder of customer relationship company Xzakt

Josefin Landgård - co-founder of KRY, the app-based service for meeting doctors through video meetings in Sweden.

Please add women entrepreneurs you admire in the comments!

PS. When I asked my son what woman entrepreneur he had thought about he said: 

“You.” 

That made it to my list of magic moments!

Time to reflect. Never dim your light.

"What do you do?" he asked, the guy who studied Dutch in the same course as I did. 

"I study at Chalmers", I answered. At the time I did a full time study at Chalmers Technical University and a part time study in Dutch at Gothenburg university.

He opened his eyes wide and said: 

"Oh, then you're intelligent."

After that, this guy who had been very talkative and almost flirty (even though I had said at the beginning of the course I was studying Dutch since I had a Dutch boyfriend) avoided me. My choice of education scared him.  

Have you ever refrained from doing or saying something because you didn't want to make someone else feel uncomfortable?

I know women who walk hunched over to not tower over shorter men. My beautiful mum found the attention her beauty resulted in umcomfortable. I coach women who sneak away to work on their computer because they don't want their family to consider them overly ambitious. 

We cannot help others feel better by making ourselves smaller. 

We cannot make the world brighter if we dim our lights. 

I hope you will always dare to shine your light brightly. 

For more reflection on this topic, watch this 3 min video. 

Tid för reflektion - Liv och död

Saknar du en älskad person som har lämnat den här jorden?

Välkommen till Tid för reflektion om Liv och död 

Ge dig själv 12 minuter idag eller senare i den här veckan, till att reflektera över liv och död och känna tacksamhet för båda delarna. 

När vi reflekterar stannar vi tiden en stund och när vi vågar tänka på både liv och död låter vi inte längre småsaker förstöra vår upplevelse av nuet. 

Death is not the opposite of life, but a part of it / Haruki Murakami

Med hjälp av högläsning guidar jag din reflektion som du kan skriva ner medan du lyssnar på musik framförd av Staffan Bonnier.

Denna video är från min bokrelease av boken Tack Mamma. 

Jag hoppas att den rör ditt hjärta och öppnar ditt sinne. 

Skriv gärna dina reflektioner som kommentarer till det här inlägget. 

No, it's not too late. (There is no expiration date for your dreams)

“I’m 44 now, I can’t change careers. It’s too late to start all over.”

Most leaders I train and coach are experienced. Many of them have reached a time in life where they have achieved a lot of what they once aimed for.

Now what?

Some are happy where they are and want to make incremental changes and improvements.

Others, like the woman who told me she was too old to start over, want to make a larger change but don’t dare to. They think it’s too late, that they are too old.

They are not.

 Age is a number, not a blocker, unless we let it be one.

As David Niven said:

Your dreams don’t have an expiration date.

 
The true story of Suzanne Watkins is a great illustration.

As a a single mum working 3 jobs in the US, her life settled into a pattern:

“You drive to the office, you sit at a computer all day, you go home, sleep, and do it all over again.”

When the children became older and didn’t need her as much, she made a radical change. At age 60 she graduated as a flight attendant. Nowadays she works long-haul at short notice, with an ad hoc schedule. That may not be a lifestyle for you, but it fits her perfectly.

She says she feels “most at peace with myself when I am a stranger in a strange land and I am wandering”.

This is her advice:

“Don’t think of your life linearly. Think of it as continuing to unfold.”

Of course it’s not too late. 

There really is no expiration date for your dreams.

Tid för reflektion - använder du din tid väl?

Lägger du tid på det som är viktigt för dig?

Välkommen till Tid för reflektion om hur vi använder vår tid

Ge dig själv 9 minuter idag eller senare i den här veckan, till att reflektera över hur du vill använda din tid och vad du vill hinna med innan dina glas av tid tar slut.

När vi reflekterar stannar vi tiden en stund och när vi använder vår tid väl försvinner all känsla av att vi slösar bort vår tid eller våra liv. 

Det är viktigt att komma ihåg det som Stig Johansson skev i dikten Förlusten: 

Alla de där dagarna som kom och gick.

Inte visste jag att de var livet. 

Med hjälp av högläsning och egna tankar guidar jag dig i din reflektion som du kan skriva ner medan du lyssnar på musik framförd av Hans och Johan Englund.

Denna video är från min bokrelease av boken Tack Mamma. 

Jag hoppas att den rör ditt hjärta och öppnar ditt sinne. 

Skriv gärna dina reflektioner som kommentarer till det här inlägget. 

Are you lowering your salary by working too much?

“Sorry I’m late”, he panted, landing on the chair on the other side of the table. He breathed out so intensely a paper napkin fell off. She caught it before it landed on the ground and put it back on the table.

“Busy?” she asked, even though she knew what the answer would be.

“It’s crazy! We have been working on this deal day and night for weeks! Just a few more days and I think they will sign. I sure hope so, I have barely seen my family the last two months. I am looking forward to when things calm down.”

She drank some water and smiled. He wouldn’t let things calm down. That’s the way he was, her big brother. He noticed her look but didn’t say anything until they had ordered.

“I know I keep saying that and every time I conclude one project, another, just as demanding, shows up. Well, at least the company pays me well.”

“Your hourly wages are lower than mine.”

He looked at her, frowning. No way. He earned a lot more than his baby sister.

She took out a pen and wrote their names on one of the paper napkins.

 

“How much do you earn per month? After taxes.”

Proudly he told her 5200 euros. She wrote that number under his name and then 3200 under hers.

“How many hours do you work per month?”

“Well, you know, it depends on the project, sometimes it’s really crazy and…”

“Just give me a guess, an average.”

“Well, you know, let’s say 70 hours a week.”

“Alright, so about 315 hours a month. Well, you see, I work 38 hours a week, so 171 hours a month. That gives me 3200/171= 18,7 euros per hour. While you earn only 5200/315 = 16,5 euros.”

His mouth stayed open as he stared at the napkin with the numbers. A waiter brought their food to the table.

“You may want to rethink the ‘at least my company pays me well’ bit.” She said, smiling widely when she took a bite of her croque monsieur.

Don’t dilute the value of your time by thoughtlessly putting in hour after hour. Focus on doing valuable work the number of hours you are willing to spend and ensure you are greatly rewarded for it.

Tid för reflektion - Våga leva

Vågar du leva fullt ut?

Välkommen till Tid för reflektion om att våga leva 

Ge dig själv 13 minuter idag eller senare i den här veckan, till att reflektera och känna tacksamhet för någon som har lämnat det här livet och tänk samtidigt över vikten av att våga leva.

När vi reflekterar stannar vi tiden en stund och när vi vågar leva de liv vi drömmer om, behöver inte döden vara så skrämmande. 

Dare to live the life you've always wanted.

Med hjälp av högläsning och egna tankar guidar jag din reflektion som du kan skriva ner medan du lyssnar på musik framförd av Staffan Bonnier.

Denna video är från min bokrelease av boken Tack Mamma. 

Jag hoppas att den rör ditt hjärta och öppnar ditt sinne. 

Skriv gärna dina reflektioner som kommentarer till det här inlägget. 

How to be a perfect mum

 How’s that for a provocative title?

"A perfect mum."

We all know there is no such thing.

Yet we desperately aim for it...

So many women try to do things “right” even if it means chasing some imaginary standard.  Many mothers lose themselves on the way. Fathers too, I can imagine.

Serena Williams told TIME that she never understood women before becoming a mum. She didn’t understand why they put themselves in second or third place. Now, as a mother, she says “it’s so easy to do. It’s so easy to do.”

I agree. It is easy to do. It’s as if we, as new-born parents, desperately look for how to be. Often we end up going for some version of the self-sacrificing mother, so often described in films and books as something to strive for.

At the same time, we know that we cannot pour from an empty cup.

Have you, like I, seen your mother stressed out and wished she would take care of herself so you wouldn’t feel bad about her feeling bad?

If we don’t take care of ourselves, we cannot take care of our children. And we for sure cannot teach them how to take good care of themselves.

By the time Serena became a mother she was already an icon in tennis. Many wondered why she wanted to go back to tennis. Why not just enjoy being a mum?

Her answer:

“I’m not done yet, simple. My story doesn’t end here.”

She plays tennis because she loves it. That didn’t go away because she became a mum.

There is no such thing as a perfect mum.

But there is such a thing as a perfect you.

Focus on being you, on doing what makes you smile.

That is the best gift you can give your children.  

Tid för reflektion - Tröst

Finns det någon som du vill trösta?

Välkommen till Tid för reflektion om Tröst

Ge dig själv 9 minuter idag eller senare i den här veckan, till att reflektera och känna tacksamhet genom att skicka en tröstande tanke till någon som behöver det. 

När vi reflekterar stannar vi tiden en stund och när vi tröstar ger och får vi glädje. 

Som Abraham Lincoln sa: 

 To ease another's heartache is to forget one's own. 

Med hjälp av högläsning och egna tankar guidar jag din reflektion som du kan skriva ner medan du lyssnar på musik framförd av Staffan Bonnier.

Denna video är från min bokrelease av boken Tack Mamma. 

Jag hoppas att den rör ditt hjärta och öppnar ditt sinne. 

Skriv gärna dina reflektioner som kommentarer till det här inlägget. 

My wife is learning how to make Molotov cocktails

“It’s surreal. My wife is learning how to make Molotov cocktails.”

The week before our surreal conversation, we had discussed weekly deliveries, ideation processes and Kanban. The day after, Russia invaded Ukraine, the country where many of the team members work.

I have been consulting this company for years and now I didn’t even know if the people I knew were alive.

 

You may also work with or know people from Ukraine or Russia. Maybe you are from either of these countries.

Even if you are not, you most likely feel what so many feel now.

Despair, sadness, hate…

I understand if you do.

Still, I hope you can find a way to stay strong, calm, and hopeful.

We can contribute so much more when we do.

I stand guard at the gates of my mind to keep fear and hate away from my mind and heart.

I avoid what makes me fearful:

Speculations of bombs hitting nuclear plants, or about Russia attacking more countries, for instance Sweden where I live.

I avoid what breaks my heart:

Pictures and stories about broken families, wounded or killed children and animals, ruined homes.

I avoid what makes me angry and hateful:

Anything Putin says.

Instead, I give my attention to what warms my heart:

• A Ukrainian asking Russians on a stranded tank if he should tow them back to Russia – and the soldiers responding by laughing.
• Ukrainian civilians blocking the street for tanks – and the Russian soldiers not shooting at them.
• Peace demonstrations across the world - including in Russia. 
• Countless persons helping and supporting Ukraine in whatever way they can – without condemning Russians in general.
• President Zelensky's brave and inspirational speeches and actions.

This war can be the war when the violent way of making war becomes obsolete.

The new way of making war is what we are seeing now.

The type of warfare that shows the bully that no victim is ever alone.

The type of warfare that removes all financial-, business-, scientific- and cultural ties with the bully.

The victim is not alone.

The bully is.

When you are alone you cannot win.

When you use violence, lies, and hate you cannot win.

The small victories you may have on your way to your defeat will be empty and sour.

This war has shown us how much love, courage, and humanity there is in this world.

The old way of warfare is finally reaching its end.

Stay strong, hopeful, and loving.

Tid för reflektion - Saknad

Finns det någon som var viktig i ditt liv en gång, som du inte längre träffar?

Välkommen till Tid för reflektion om Saknad

Ge dig själv 5 minuter idag eller senare i den här veckan, till att reflektera och känna tacksamhet för någon som en gång var viktig i ditt liv men inte längre finns i det. 

När vi reflekterar stannar vi tiden en stund och när vi känner tacksamhet öppnar vi upp för mer glädje i våra liv. Som Melody Beattie så fint uttrycker det: 

Gratitude makes sense of our past

brings peace for today

and creates a vision for tomorrow

Med hjälp av högläsning och egna tankar guidar jag dig i din reflektion som du kan skriva ner medan du lyssnar på musik framförd av Hans och Johan Englund.

Denna video är från min bokrelease av boken Tack Mamma.* 

Jag hoppas att den rör ditt hjärta och öppnar ditt sinne. 

Skriv gärna dina reflektioner som kommentarer till det här inlägget. 

*Kapitel från boken Tack mamma finns upplagda här på bloggen. Vill du läsa dem så är det bara att gå till sökfältet och skriva "Tack mamma" så dyker inläggen upp. 

I don’t even want to stop for gas

 "Have you checked the oil level on the car lately?"

I looked at my car-loving dad and thought to myself: 

"Checked the oil? Heck, I don’t even want to stop for gas."

 Neither did one of my ex-colleagues when she was pregnant. When the fuel lamp lit up, she stared at it, thinking to herself: “I don’t want to stop and tank the car. I just don’t want to!”

She drove home with the lamp shining brightly. When she came home, she tossed the car keys to her husband and said:

“You need to tank the car.”

He made it to the gas station, but just barely. I don’t know what he said or thought. Maybe he thought as my husband:

You don’t argue with a pregnant woman.

Ideally you don’t argue at all.

Hopefully you have found a way of handling the work at home in ways that suit everyone involved.

If not, let me tell you two secrets to make it work:

Accept that you are different.

My father loves cars including caring for them. I love motorcycles but I just want to drive. The world is more fun when we are different. Let’s accept that we are.

Do what you like, let others do what they like.

A couple I know have agreed that he takes care of the cars, she takes care of the bills. In our household my husband takes care of the cooking, I take care of the dishes.

What do you love to do?

Do more of that.

What do you dislike doing?

Don’t force yourself to do something you dislike. Find someone who loves doing what you don’t want to do and ask them to take care of it.

I know this isn’t easy.

For that reason, I have created a course called How to share the work at home lovingly and efficiently. If you know someone who needs help in this area, tip them about the course you can read more about here.

Good luck!

Tack mamma, för din odödlighet

Varsågod, här är det sista kapitlet till bloggen från boken Tack mamma.  Jag hoppas det rör ditt hjärta.

(For the English version, scroll down and then click on previous post).

När jag ska gå ut lite snabbt i trädgården tar jag en jacka, vilken som helst, i hallen. Jag vet ju att jag kan ha alla jackor som hänger där. På något underligt sätt har jag blivit minst i familjen trots att jag inte har krympt.

Jag är mamma till tre pojkar. Pojkar som en gång var små bebisar som var helt beroende av mig. Mina bebisar blev barn och nu är de plötsligt tonåringar. Det är svårt att tänka sig att de en gång kommer att bli vuxna och till och med medelålders. Jag minns hur konstigt du tittade på mig mamma, när du hade blivit lite snurrig och jag sade att jag var femtio. Det kunde jag väl inte vara? För dig kändes det som om jag på något konstigt sätt hade blivit äldre än du.

När jag ser på foton på mina barn som små ler jag vemodigt. Men jag sörjer inte, även om bebisarna inte längre finns kvar. Jag vet ju att mina pojkar fortfarande finns. Vi ändrar form hela tiden. Det är bara när vi ändrar form från levande till död, som vi tror att det har tagit slut. Att livet har kommit till en punkt, inte till ett komma.

Ju mer jag tänker på det, desto konstigare tycker jag det är att vi tror att döden är ett slut.

Jag är ingenjör, men man behöver inte vara ingenjör för att veta att energi inte försvinner. Energi bara ändrar form. Vi är energi. Den energin försvinner inte bara för att vi dör. Den förändras.

En gång i tiden trodde en stor del av mänskligheten att jorden var platt. Idag skrattar vi åt det. Jag tror att vi om några generationer kommer att skratta åt att så många en gång trodde att när människor dör så försvinner de för alltid. Förresten, vi behöver inte vänta några generationer.

Vi kan bara se oss om i världen. Det finns många kulturer som redan idag ser döden som en transformation, en förändring. Inte ett slut. I Deepak Chopras vackra ord från boken Life after death:

“Death itself was seen as a brief stopping point on an endless soul journey that could turn a peasant into a king and vice versa. [...] Death ended nothing; it opened up limitless adventures.”

Du är på ännu ett äventyr mamma, ännu en resa. Och du har inte lämnat oss. Du är hos mig, hos pappa, hos min bror och hos mormor. Du är här och överallt. Så fri är du mamma, på din eviga resa.

***

Dela gärna inlägget om du tror det kan hjälpa någon! Du får också gärna lämna en kommentar nedan med dina tankar. 

Detta var ett kapitel ur boken Tack mamma. En bok för dig som saknar.  Första kapitlet hittar du här. För att hitta alla kapitel kan du skriva in Tack mamma i sökfältet på den här bloggen. 

Om du vill läsa alla kapitel i boken kan du skriva Tack mamma i sökfältet här på bloggen.

Om du vill ge boken till någon du tror kan hitta tröst i den, eller till dig själv, kan du köpa ett personligt signerat exemplar här.

Om du hellre vill ha en e-bok hittar du den i den vanliga bokhandeln och i tjänster som Storytel, Nextory och liknande.

Boken finns också på bibliotek. Finns den inte på just ditt bibliotek kan du be dem beställa den. 

Thank you, Mum, for your immortality

Below you can find the last chapter on this blog from the book Thank you, mum.  I hope it touches your heart.

(For the Swedish version, scroll down and then select Next post.)

When I'm about to quickly step into the yard, I grab a jacket, any jacket. I can wear all of them; somehow, I've become the smallest one in the family.

            I'm the mother of three boys. Boys, who were once babies, fully reliant on me. My babies turned into kids and now all of a sudden, they're teenagers. It's hard to picture them being all grown up. I remember how you used to give me a funny look, Mum, when you'd gone a little loopy and I told you I was fifty years old. I couldn't possibly be fifty! Somehow, you felt like I'd outgrown you.

            When I look back at old pictures of my children, I smile with melancholy. But I don't mourn, even if those babies no longer exist, I know that my boys still do. We're all constantly changing shapes, it is only when we change from living to dead that we believe it's over. That life has come to an end, not to a new beginning.

            The more I think about it, that we believe that death is the final end, the more absurd I think it is. I'm an engineer, but you don't have to be an engineer to know that energy doesn't disappear. It just changes form. We're all energy. That energy doesn't just go away when we die. It changes form.

            Back in the day, people believed the world to be flat; today that's laughable. I believe that in a few generations from now we'll laugh at how people believed that when people die, they're gone forever. By the way, we don't have to wait that long. A lot of cultures already see death as a transformation, a change. Not an end. Like Deepak Chopra so beautifully wrote in his book, Life after Death:

            "Death itself was seen as a brief stopping point on an endless soul journey that could turn a peasant into a king and vice versa. [...] Death ended nothing; it opened up limitless adventures."

You're on to new adventures now, Mum. Another journey. You haven't left us. You're with me, with Dad, with my brother, and with Grandma. You're here as well as everywhere. You're free, Mum, on your eternal journey.

**

Please share this blogpost if you think it can help someone! 

This was a chapter from the book Thank you, mum. A book for those who miss someone.

To read all chapters, type Thank you Mum in the search field on this blog

If you would like to give the book to someone you think can be soothed by it, or to yourself, you can find it on Amazon.

Tack mamma, för att du släppte ut oss ur väntrummet

Varsågod, här är ännu ett kapitel från boken Tack mamma.  Jag hoppas det rör ditt hjärta.

(For the English version, scroll down and then click on previous post).

Jag jobbade länge på Ericsson och många kollegor kändes som goda vänner. Vi gick igenom inte bara spännande projekt tillsammans, utan också livets skiftningar.

En av mina kollegor hade en mamma som var sjuk i cancer. Han och familjen fick åka fram och tillbaka till sjukhuset under många veckor samtidigt som de försökte hålla ordning på sitt vanliga liv med jobb, skola och barnens aktiviteter.

En morgon frågade jag hur det var och hans första svar var “Bra”. Sedan var det som om han skämdes och han mumlade. “Nej, det är ju inte bra. Hon är död.” Jag förstod vad han menade. Att han såg lite lugnare ut var inte för att han var glad att hans mamma hade dött. Han var bara glad att den uppslitande sjukdomsperioden var över för alla inblandade. De hade sedan länge vetat att detta inte skulle bli en solskenssaga om någon som hade “besegrat” cancer.

Jag tycker inte om uttrycket besegra cancer. Det är så lätt att tolka det som att de som inte överlever förlorar mot cancern. Som om de på något sätt var svagare, inte lika bra på att kämpa. Det har inte med det att göra. Döden kommer när den kommer. Vi kan göra livet så njutbart och hälsosamt som möjligt, men när livet här är slut, är det slut.

Kanske vårdar du som läser en person som är på väg att lämna det här livet. Kanske sitter du i dödens väntrum med en älskad persons hand i din, vetandes att du en dag kommer att gå ensam ut. Om du längtar efter att gå ut ur väntrummet, stänga dörren bakom dig och återgå till ett mer normalt liv, är det inget fel på dig. Det finns ingen anledning att känna skuld eller att låtsas att du känner något annat.

Vi är inte gjorda för att vara i väntrum. Vi är skapta för att göra det mesta av livet, ge de gåvor vi har fått till världen. Gör det mesta av tiden i väntrummet, men bjud aldrig in skuld i ditt hjärta. Låt livet ha sin gång och minns att du är en kärleksfull, värdefull person. Till och med perioden i väntrummet kan ha glimtar som du någon gång kommer att vara tacksam för.

Som när vi träffade dig allra sista gången mamma. Du var lugn när vi kom, du sov med hjälp av morfin. Det var rofyllt och skönt. Det var också tydligt att du inte visste att vi var där. Vi höll om dig, sjöng för dig och vi grät. Då såg jag förändringen. Jag såg att du klämde om pappas hand och att det fanns ett svagt, svagt leende i ditt blundande ansikte.

“Hon känner att vi är här. Titta hon ler!”

Pappa som hade suttit och gråtit med huvudet nedböjt tittade upp vid mina ord. Han såg upp och såg att du var där, medveten om vår närvaro. Min bror reste sig från stolen han hade suttit på och vi stod alla tre vid din sängkant och rörde vid dig medan vi sjöng. När vi lämnade kändes det nästan bra. Vi hade fått en fin stund tillsammans, även om vi alla var fångar i dödens väntrum.

Några timmar senare ringde sjukhuset till pappa och berättade att du hade dött. Innan pappa berättade för oss andra reste ni jorden runt igen. Du och han tittade på fotona från er jorden-runt-kryssning. Så fort du hade lämnat din kropp tog du dig hem till pappa så att ni kunde resa vidare tillsammans.

Du flög ut genom väntrummet och öppnade dörren för oss andra, så att vi kunde gå ut. Bort från väntrummet och oron, ut i saknaden och ett nytt sätt att vara tillsammans med dig. Ett sätt vi fortfarande håller på att lära oss förstå.

***

Dela gärna inlägget om du tror det kan hjälpa någon! Du får också gärna lämna en kommentar nedan med dina tankar. 

Detta var ett kapitel ur boken Tack mamma. En bok för dig som saknar.  Första kapitlet hittar du här. För att hitta alla kapitel kan du skriva in Tack mamma i sökfältet på den här bloggen. 

Om du vill läsa alla kapitel i boken kan du skriva Tack mamma i sökfältet här på bloggen.

Om du vill ge boken till någon du tror kan hitta tröst i den, eller till dig själv, kan du köpa ett personligt signerat exemplar här.

Om du hellre vill ha en e-bok hittar du den i den vanliga bokhandeln och i tjänster som Storytel, Nextory och liknande.

Boken finns också på bibliotek. Finns den inte på just ditt bibliotek kan du be dem beställa den. 

Thank you, mum, for letting us out of the waiting room

Below you can find another chapter from the book Thank you, mum.  I hope it touches your heart.

(For the Swedish version, scroll down and then select Next post.)

I worked at Ericsson for a long time, my colleagues there felt more like close friends. We dealt with, not only thrilling projects, but also different stages in life.

            One of my colleagues had a mum, who got diagnosed with cancer. His whole family had to make regular runs to the hospital for many weeks. Whilst he was still trying to keep up with work, school, and his kids' activities.

            One morning, I asked him how he was. "Good," he responded. Then, almost as if ashamed, he said, "No, I'm not good. She's dead." I understood him so well. His calm exterior was not him being happy for his mother's passing away. He was happy she was out of her misery, that the fight was over for everyone included. They'd known for a long time she wouldn't "beat" it.

            I happen to dislike the term "beat cancer". As if all the ones who have died were defeated. As if they were weaker, not as strong fighters. It's got nothing to do with that. Death comes when it chooses to. We can strive to make life as wholesome and enjoyable as possible, but when it ends, it ends.

            Maybe, you, who are reading this, are a caregiver for someone who's about to leave this life. Maybe you're sitting in the waiting room of death with a loved one's hand in yours. Knowing that one day you'll walk out alone. If you're waiting for that day, to walk out of that waiting room and resume normalcy, there is nothing wrong with you. There is no reason to feel guilty or pretend to feel otherwise.

            We're not meant for waiting rooms. We were created to make the most out of life, to give our gifts to the world. Acknowledge that time in the waiting room, but never allow guilt to take you. Let life play out and remember that you're a loving, valuable person. Even those times in that waiting room can have glimpses of something you may one day be grateful for.

            Like the last time, we were with you, Mum. You were calm when we got there, sleeping with the help of some morphine. It was serene and peaceful. It was also apparent that you had no idea we were in there. We held you, cried for you, and sang for you. That's when I saw the change. I saw you squeeze Dad's hand, and a vague smile came upon your lips.

            "She can feel that we're here. Look she's smiling!"

Dad, crying with his head bent, looked up, and saw that you were with us. Aware of our presence. My brother got up from his chair, and all three of us held you tight and sang. A huge weight was taken off our shoulders when we left. We'd had a nice moment together, even though we were all prisoners in the waiting room of death.

            A few hours later, Dad got the call. You'd passed away. Before he told the rest of us, you two traveled the world again. You looked at old photos of your cruise. As soon as you left your body, you visited Dad, and the two of you shared yet another adventure.

            You flew out through the waiting room and opened the door for us so that we could leave. Away from anxiety and worry, into that feeling of loss, and new ways of being with you. Ways we're still trying to master. 

**

Please share this blogpost if you think it can help someone! 

This was a chapter from the book Thank you, mum. A book for those who miss someone.

To read all chapters, type Thank you Mum in the search field on this blog

If you would like to give the book to someone you think can be soothed by it, or to yourself, you can find it on Amazon.

Tack för att det bara är kroppen som dör

Varsågod, här är ännu ett kapitel från boken Tack mamma.  Jag hoppas det rör ditt hjärta.

(For the English version, scroll down and then click on previous post).

Varje sekund dör det en miljon celler i var och en av oss. Varje sekund. De flesta av våra celler lever bara några månader, medan till exempel leverns celler lever i flera år. Hjärnans celler lever lika länge som vi – om det inte blir som för dig, att vi får en sjukdom som tar död på just hjärncellerna.

Att delar av oss dör hela tiden är en förutsättning för livet. Om cellerna inte dör växer de okontrollerat och vi får det vi kallar cancer. De celler som dör lämnar plats för nya celler. Det spännande är att de nya cellerna inte börjar från noll. De vet det de tidigare cellerna visste. Cellen dör men minnet finns kvar till de nya cellerna. Vi dör men livet fortsätter.

På samma sätt som en vattendroppe som dunstar. Vi ser den inte längre, inte förrän den blir del av ett vackert moln som ger oss regn. Regn som faller och fyller sjöar och älvar. Älvar som tar sig till havet.

Dog droppen?

Nej, den ändrade form.

Dog du mamma?

Nej, du ändrade form.

Jag kan ändå sakna den form du hade. Den vackra, kramgoa, sjungande form som jag var van vid. Någon gång kommer jag att förstå den form du har nu. Någon gång kommer jag att kunna ha kontakt med dig igen. Fram tills jag gör det tillåter jag mig själv att sakna dig, att sörja fullt ut tills sorgen ebbar ut. Jag gör som munken Björn Natthiko Lindeblad: Jag litar på sorgen, jag litar på gråten och kommer ihåg att allt sorgen behöver är att få kännas av. 

 ***

Dela gärna inlägget om du tror det kan hjälpa någon! Du får också gärna lämna en kommentar nedan med dina tankar. 

Detta var ett kapitel ur boken Tack mamma. En bok för dig som saknar.  Första kapitlet hittar du här. För att hitta alla kapitel kan du skriva in Tack mamma i sökfältet på den här bloggen. 

Om du vill läsa alla kapitel i boken kan du skriva Tack mamma i sökfältet här på bloggen.

Om du vill ge boken till någon du tror kan hitta tröst i den, eller till dig själv, kan du köpa ett personligt signerat exemplar här.

Om du hellre vill ha en e-bok hittar du den i den vanliga bokhandeln och i tjänster som Storytel, Nextory och liknande.

Boken finns också på bibliotek. Finns den inte på just ditt bibliotek kan du be dem beställa den. 

Thank goodness it's only the body that dies

Below you can find another chapter from the book Thank you, mum.  I hope it touches your heart.

(For the Swedish version, scroll down and then select Next post.)

One million cells in our bodies die every second. Every second. Most cells just live on for a few months, some live on for years, like the ones in our liver. The cells in our brains live for as long as we do – unless we, like you, Mum, fall ill with a disease that kills our brain cells.

            Having part of us die is a necessity. If the cells don't die, they'll grow uncontrollably, and we'll develop cancer. The dead cells leave room for new ones. The exciting part is that the new cells don’t start from scratch. They know what the previous cells knew. The cells die but their memory lives on in the new cells. We die, but life goes on.

            The same way a raindrop evaporates. We can't see it anymore, not until it forms a cloud and rains down on us. The rain falls into lakes and rivers, rivers joining the ocean.

Did the raindrop die?

No, it changed shape.

Did you die, Mum?

No, you changed your shape.

I still miss your old shape. That beautiful, huggable, singing shape I'd come to love so dearly. Someday, I'll recognize your new shape. Someday, I'll be able to reach you again. Until then, I allow myself to mourn, to miss you until the loss is numbed. I will act like the monk; Björn Natthiko Lindeblad; I will trust my sorrow. I will trust my crying and remember that all sorrow needs, is to be felt. 

**

Please share this blogpost if you think it can help someone! 

This was a chapter from the book Thank you, mum. A book for those who miss someone.

To read all chapters, type Thank you Mum in the search field on this blog

If you would like to give the book to someone you think can be soothed by it, or to yourself, you can find it on Amazon.

How to open your gifts of life

Welcome to a new year!

To start this year in a powerful way, I want to give you inspiration to open the gifts life has given you. 

My new year gift to you is a 9 minute long story that will touch your heart. 

To immerse yourself in both images and sound, watch the video when you have some time for yourself or together with someone else who wants to join you. 

If you prefer to listen while you take care of something that doesn't require your brain, you can use the audio file. 

I hope this gift helps you make the most of 2022 and future years!