You can't see yourself when you're in the frame

When I was born my hair was black. The midwife thought my father was Japanese, given the black hair and the slanted eyes.  

A few weeks later my hair turned into the light blond hair that is so common among Swedish children. The older I got, the darker my hair became. Now my hair colour is what my sons call "dirty blond". 

When I was in my teens a hairdresser said that she wanted to dye my hair red. I told her she was crazy. I was way to pale to have any other colour of hair than blond. 

(My husband remarked when I told him this story: What, had you never seen the skin colour of gingers?)

The hairdresser told me that my colours would "come out" if I had red hair, so I agreed to the change. 

Ever since that first time, I have dyed my hair red in winter time. I see it as a Christmas decoration. 

If that hairdresser hadn't suggested it, it would not have occurred to me. 

As Les Brown says: 

"We can't see ourselves when we are in the frame."

That's why coaching is so useful. 

My coach (a wonderful Tony Robbins' result coach) tells me things that annoy me at times. I might clench my jaws and say: 

"I KNOW. That's what I teach my clients. I just didn't see I did it myself..."

We all have blind spots. Others can help us see them. Coaches specialize in helping you see your blind spots. 

If you are interested in a coach who has red hair a few months a year, let me know. 

I might be the one who helps you love the life you have created but don't find the time to enjoy. 

The number one destroyer of intimacy

“You never listen to me!”

“You only think about yourself!”

When uttering these words, you may feel as if they are true. As if the person you are criticizing is never ever listening and is always thinking about her- or himself.

What if that simply isn’t true? 

You may be blaming a person you care about because you have hit what Gay Hendricks calls your “Upper Limit”.

We hit our upper limits when life becomes better than we ever thought it could be. Better than we think we deserve.

It sounds like that would be just wonderful. Why would we ruin it?

Because we get scared. We think life is supposed to be one way, and then when it goes on to be even better, when it stretches beyond the box we thought we would live in, we get terrified.

To protect ourselves from the unknown we pull life back to what we expect it to be by “self-sabotaging”.

Criticism is one way of “upper limiting” yourself. It is also the number one destroyer of intimacy in close relationships. By blaming your partner, you are pushing him or her away, denying yourself of their love.

If you tend to criticize people, you most likely criticize yourself as well. You criticize yourself and make your life smaller than it could be.

Gay Hendricks calls criticism an addiction.

Are you addicted?

Stop criticising one day to find out.

You are worthy of love.

You are worthy of a wonderful life.

When you fully realize this, you can break through your self-imposed Upper-Limits.

The opposite of happiness isn’t sadness – it’s boredom.

When I tell my Timefinding clients to add something they love to their busy schedules, they look at me as if I am mad. 

“I don’t have time to do what I want!  I have to do these 47 things on my To Do list first!”

 No you don’t. 

By the time you have taken care of the 47 things you will have added another 48. 

Photo by David Fagundes on Pexels

If you don’t give yourself time to do what you want to do, you will get exhausted and bored.

When you’re bored you’re not happy.

When you’re not happy, you’re not you.

Do you still want to focus on what you “should” do?

Then remember that life is supposed to be fun.

You should be happy.

How to reduce stress by exchanging one letter

Do you suffer from FOMO (the Fear Of Missing Out)?

If you do, it may stress you out.
Staying up to date or attempting to control “everything” is not a good way to spend your time or energy. 

Recently I attended the Distributed 2020 event.

In a panel discussion David Darmanin, CEO of HotJar, warned about FOMO.

He said that at HotJar they instead talk about: 

 

JOMO, Joy Of Missing Out. 

I used to stay up to date on news.
After realizing how the negativity in the news affected me, 

I reduced my news consumption considerably.
I am happily missing out on it and only read TIME nowadays.

What will you choose to joyfully miss out on?

Friend or foe? How to make more of the former and fewer of the latter

The old-fashioned language in the well-known sentence "Friend or Foe" shows us that we have divided people around us as either friend or foe for a long time.

We have all heard the phrase:

“I’d rather have an honest enemy than a fake friend”

but that doesn’t change the fact that we want to have many true friends and few foes. 

When it comes to dealing with enemies, let’s look at what some influential persons have to say about it.

 

1. Don’t make enemies.

Some frown at this advice, thinking “not making enemies” means you don’t stand up for yourself or what you believe in. As if fighting and arguing shows that you are strong and committed while not doing so means being fearful and indifferent.

What if it just means you stick to what you believe, regardless of what others say or do?

Bob Proctor put it well in one of his books:

Act as if you have:

“Nothing to defend, nothing to attack, nothing to prove. You just know.”

Tony Robbin’s says the same thing in his straight forward way:

“Opinions are like ass-holes. Everyone’s got one. That doesn’t mean you have to wave it around.”

If you can avoid making enemies, great.

If you have already made some, then what?

2. Leave your enemies until they make a mistake

Rather than trying to destroy your enemy one way or the other, you can take the stance of  Napoleon Bonaparte and let them mess up themselves.

“N’interrompez jamais un ennemi qui est en train de faire une erreur.”

 (Never interrupt an enemy who is about to make a mistake.)

3. Transform them

My favourite way though, and the quote that inspired me to write this post, comes from Abraham Lincoln. During the Civil War he was criticized by some for showing respect for Southerners instead of seeing them as enemies that should be destroyed.

His answer?

“Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?”

Of course he did.  

I hope you will refrain from making enemies, and if you have already made a few, I hope you destroy them by making them your friends.

Listen to the podcast - Annika interviewed by the Thoughtful Entrepreneur

If you would like to hear about my entrepreneur journey and get advice about time management at the same time, just listen to the Thoughtful Entrepreneur podcast when they interviewed me. 😀

Whenever you are able to listen for 30 minutes, put your earphones in and listen to: 

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/86ebd2c6-a06f-4012-9b0b-5102a16f8828

I hope it will be valuable for you!

Annika

The secret to ever-lasting love

Step 1: Know that you are loveable. Feel it. Believe it.

Step 2: Find the love of your life

Step 3: Love and be loved

Step 4: Spread the love 

If you skip step 1, it won’t help if you get to step 2. You will not be able to stay in step 3.

It’s hard to love and be loved if you don’t think you’re worthy of love.

Even if your partner loves you and shows it, you will not believe it.

How could you, if deep inside you don’t think you are loveable?

We are often taught that it is selfish to love and accept ourselves the way we are.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

If you don’t love yourself, you will not receive and trust someone else’s love either.

Have you ever offered love but heard from your loved one (s)he doesn't believe you? 

That hurts.

So loving yourself is not selfish or egoistic.

It is a pre-requisite for receiving love from others and truly loving them.

You are worthy of love.

We all are.

Allow yourself to give and receive love.

Only then can you get to the important step 4 above. 

PS. My husband thinks that the secret to everlasting love is great sex ;)

You're already naked

Steve Jobs once said: 

“Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.”

There is no reason to not follow our hearts. Yet we often follow something or someone else than our hearts.

We do what we’re told, we do what we think is expected from us, we do what we think we should. 

Occasionally we stop and wonder: 

Is this it? Is this what I want my life to be like?

It’s not that we don’t want to follow our hearts. 

Sometimes we just don’t know what our hearts want.

It’s easy to say “follow your passion”, but if you don’t know what that is, it doesn’t matter if you have the guts to follow it.

My Timefinder Academy is helping each participant find and fly to their Ikigai, their life’s purpose.

You are welcome to join.

After all, you have nothing to lose.

You are already naked.

Read more about flying to your Ikigai here

Secure a happy ending

Last week my father attended the funeral of his sister, my aunt.

This week another one of my aunts will be buried.

They both died within one week.

Their deaths were of the kind we normally refer to as “natural”.

They were both in their eighties.

One of them died in her sleep, the other one in the hospital holding her oldest son’s hand.

Their husbands had already gone before them. 

Even so.

Whenever someone leaves this life, we are left with a hole in our everyday existence.

Depending on our beliefs about what happens when we die, the hole can feel smaller or bigger.

Apart from the feeling of loss, death gives us a reminder.

A reminder that there is no such thing as a happy ending to an unhappy journey.

A reminder that now is the time to be happy, now is the time to explore, now is the time to love.

Now is the time to start living happily ever after.

Do you have a reason to look ugly?

Niki Lauda’s “reason for looking ugly” was that he had been in accidents as a Formula 1 driver. 

I hope no one calls you ugly.

But maybe you get called something else from time to time?

Too hard, too kind, too fast, too slow...

One consequence of being a leader (and yes, every parent is also a leader) is that you stick out, you call the shots.

You may be the one taking the blame and the one making sure the whole team gets the credit.

To paraphrase Niki Lauda:

Leaders have a reason to be criticized.

What reason is that for you?

For doing too little, too much or just doing things differently?

Feedback is inevitable.

Welcome it.

Just make sure you get criticized for reasons you think are worth it.

What's fantastic about your situation?

What is fantastic about your situation, right now?

This might sound silly to you. 

Who says that your situation is fantastic? 

Maybe in your opinion it is terrible. Or boring. Or nothing special.

The psychologist Erik Olkiewicz recommends that we ask ourselves, in any situation: 

“What’s fantastic about this?”

It can feel like a mockery if a tragic event has just happened, but with some distance to the situation we can often see that there was a silver lining.  

Many restaurants have had a hard time during the pandemic.

But then again, some were able to see what was fantastic.

Like Yalla Habibi in Kungälv, close to where I live.

They noticed that they had almost no clients in the restaurant, but the take away orders increased manifold so they adapted to that.

They also gave away thousands of meals to the hospital staff in the middle of the crisis.

Was that a great business decision? 

In the short run, no. 

In the long run? Most likely.

Did their gesture make it easier for the hospital staff to find the situation fantastic?

I believe so. 

What’s fantastic about your situation, right now?

Never mind how many hours you work

If you pick berries for 2 hours you are likely to come home with more berries than if you pick for just 1 hour. 

But what about the work you do? 

Do you add more value if you work 10 hours a day than if you work 8?

Be honest to yourself when you answer that question.

It is possible that you bring more value by working less so you leave room for getting ideas and energy from outside of your work.

In my opinion Amount of hours spent at work is not a relevant measurement for productivity or contribution in work places where we rely on our brains rather than our bodies.

But many people and work places still reward and admire people who put in long hours, whether or not they create better results. 

Or, as Robert Frost put it: 

“By faithfully working eight hours a day you may eventually get to be boss and work twelve hours a day.”

Never mind how many hours you work.

Focus on having fun and adding value.  

Then step back and enjoy the inevitable break throughs 

Are you entitled to your opinion?

That might sound like a strange question.

Isn’t everyone entitled to her/his opinion?

The full quote by Harlan Ellison says:

“You are not entitled to your opinion. You are entitled to your informed opinion. No one is entitled to be ignorant.”

We can all choose to be ignorant of course, but as Thomas Jefferson said, ignorance comes with a price:

“If a nation expects to be ignorant and free, [...] it expects what never was and never will be.”

 

We can’t stay ignorant and free.

On the other hand, in a world with an endless supply of information we can’t stay up to date about “everything” and feel free either. 

 
I have clients who get stressed out by trying to be informed and up to date about news, sports, the latest discoveries in their field and much more.

That is not freedom.

That is unnecessary stress.

Choose carefully what to be knowledgeable about and ignore the rest.

Then you can be free from both stress and ignorance and soar into the sky.

Free as a bird.

Lazy, or looking for meaning?

“Meaninglessness is the biggest drain on resilience and recovery. If you feel what you are doing is pointless, you will become disillusioned.”

Dr Merete Wedell-Wedellsborg, Business Psychologist and Executive Advisor

 

Photo by Tatiana from Pexels

Do you blame yourself for being lazy or wasting time?

Meaninglessness might be the real root cause. 

If you find what you do meaningless, the remedy is not to just “shape up”.

The next time you feel unproductive or lazy, ask yourself if the task you are working on is meaningful to you.

If it isn't, stop calling yourself lazy or a procrastinator. 

Instead, get creative. 

Find the meaning in the task, or find a way to get it done without letting it drain your energy.

Your best is all there is

“When people reproached me not to have succeeded in changing his mind on climate change, I tell them I did my best.”

French President Emmanuel Macron about his discussions with President Donald Trump.  

The only thing we can ever do is our best. 

When our best isn’t good enough, there is no reason to feel bad. 

You did the best you could and that’s all anyone can ever ask of you.

Including yourself.

Also remember that we learn as long as we live.

Your best a year ago is different from your best now.

Don’t reproach yourself (or others!) about past performances.

Most likely you did the best with what you knew then, and now that you know better you will do better.

As a line manager, I coached my employees following these 3 guidelines:
·       Always do your best·       Continuously improve·       Take care of yourself and your team

Once you do this, you have done everything a company or a person (including yourself!) can ever ask from you.

Your best is all there is.

Let it be enough.

Stressed? Bite a pen

Stressed? Bite a pen!

This unusual advice was given by Ami Hemviken at Passion for Projects in Malmö.

The intention is not to bite away your frustration and stop yourself from screaming. The intention is to fool yourself into thinking you are smiling.

It is hardly surprising that smiling makes you happier. What might be less known is that a fake smile will also do the trick. If you’re so stressed and angry you can’t make yourself smile, biting a pen will be good enough.

Changing how you feel by changing your physiology is one of the fastest ways to change your state.

Feel worried, stressed, frustrated?

Bite a pen, stand in a wonder woman pose, or raise your arms above your head in a victory pose.

The worst thing that can happen is that someone will see you and laugh. And voilà, you will have made them feel better 😊.

How to deal with criticism - a tip from "the president of the rich"

“I don’t mind if it’s fair or not, to be honest with you. I am in charge, and I am the leader, so I take it.”

Image: Part of a photo by Christopher Anderson for TIME.

French president Emmanuel Macron about being called “the president of the rich”.

We all fear two things:

Not being loved and not being enough.

When we get criticized these exact fears get activated.

It is not possible to be liked by everyone, anymore than it is possible for a song to be liked by everyone. Think about it; being on the top of the charts doesn’t mean everyone likes your song. It only means the majority does.

We all want everyone to love what we do and who we are, but that will never happen.

The majority might like what you do, but there will always be those who think differently.

There is only one way to avoid criticism:

Say nothing, Do nothing, Be nothing.

Another, in my opinion better, way is to do as Monsieur Macron.

Just take it and move on.

Making the most of working from home

Remember the photos we used to see on social media, of people working from home or cafés? With headlines like: “Today’s office”. The intention was often to show off a free lifestyle. I see less of these photos today. 

When a majority works from home, there is no point in boasting about it, is there?

I am a person who enjoys working from home.

I hope these tips can help you do the same. 

Working from home with Dixon

WFH ≠ WATT (Working All The Time)

Just because you can easily join a meeting from home at midnight, doesn’t mean you are suddenly expected to.

If you want to feel “off” at certain times of the day, set your work hours (and your non-work hours) and stick to them.

Instead of just copying the work hours you have when you work at the office, find what works best now.

Maybe you want to start earlier since you don’t need to commute and instead take a long lunch walk? Or an energizing afternoon nap?

Use this time to really choose your work hours. You may even find energizing routines that will work also when you are back in office again.

Dress for success

One of my coaching clients said that I always look “so fresh” in our video calls. Was that because I see video meetings from home as work meetings?

YES!

Where I am is irrelevant. When I give someone a service, I dress accordingly.

When I give keynote speeches I wear colourful clothes that stand out. Clothes that set the tone.

When I work with coaching clients online or give webinars, I dress as if I am going to work – because I am.

When I write my next book I wear comfortable dresses or training clothes.

Working From Home can be a perfect time to go for casual and comfortable. But if you find it easier to stay professional by dressing the same way you do when you go the office - do it even if the office is in your house. 

Your home is still your home

Even if your home is also an office, that doesn’t mean all of your home has to be your office. 

Take the time to create a space to work. A space where you can work comfortably rather than forcing yourself to sit or stand in positions that will give you neck and back pain. 

Even more importantly – decide where not to work. 

What areas in your home are off-limits for work?

This could be bedrooms or maybe the room where you eat. 

WFH = WTWIW (Work The Way I Want)

Make the most of working from home by finding how to work the way you want.

Would you like tailored help?

Send me an email or book a short intro call to see if and how I can help. https://calendly.com/annikaslol/15min-intro-call

info@annikarosendahl.com

You can also read more at www.annikarosendahl.com

Cashmere sweaters or therapy?

“Jag lägger hellre pengar på kashmirtröjor än dyr terapi.”

“I'd rather spend money on cashmere sweaters than expensive therapy.”

Karina Ericsson Wärn, headmaster at Beckmans College of Design

Image by 4cruzetam from Pixabay

It is easy to look at this statement and assume that Karina is a “material girl” who thinks happiness comes from things.

But when she explains what cashmere sweaters give her, we get a different view:

They give her Courage, Confidence and “Headmaster power”.

Who wouldn’t want Courage, Confidence and Power?

There is no such thing as right or wrong.

It is only about what works and what doesn’t, for you.

What makes you confident, courageous and powerful?

Hopefully you are these 3 things, regardless of circumstances.

But if you are not, use whatever you need to build your courage, strengthen your confidence and believe in your power.

One day you will notice that you are only wearing the cashmere sweater because you like it, not because you need it.

Of course it will work out

My friend Lisbeth used to say:

Det är klart att det löser sig, men det löser sig inte av sig självt. 

(Of course it will work out, but not by itself.)

I think this philosophy is profound and useful in its simplicity.

Fearful and stressed minds are not able to innovate, they are not able to look for solutions.

Believing it will work out doesn’t mean that you just Wait and See.

You can Wait and Do.

Once you truly believe that things will work out, you will have the peace of mind to do things that make a positive difference.

Actually, even better than doing is being.

You can Wait and Be.

Be the person you want to be, no matter what the circumstances are. A person who makes a positive difference.

The way you are will influence others and one day you will notice it has worked out.

Thanks to your way of being, thanks to your belief that it would work out.

I know Lisbeth is looking at us from heaven, with a smile on her face and her feet dangling from the edge of a cloud.

She knows we will be fine.

You do too.

Just Wait and Be.

Motivating others starts with you

“That celebration cake didn’t work either. No one in my team cares about the outcome of the project.” Victor walked up to Manda’s desk. He was so frustrated and moved so fast the papers blew off her desk as he walked by.

“Sorry”, he mumbled as he bent down to pick them up. “Why are you still here by the way? It’s late.”

“We have a bug blocking the delivery. Me and my team are staying until...”

“What have you promised them? Overtime food? Some kind of bonus? I have tried virtually everything but in the end no one will do anything extra unless I order them to.”

“I haven’t ordered anyone anything. But we all know how important it is to get this fixed.”

“Well, yes, I thought everyone in my project knew what was important too. But I just can’t motivate them.”

Manda stopped looking at the screen and looked at Victor as he put the papers in piles on her desk. In the wrong order, but she knew better than to mention that now.

“You can’t motivate others”, she said.

“What do you mean? Your people are motivated.”

“I like my project. You work hard on yours out of obligation. How can you expect your team to be motivated when you aren’t?”

Photo by Brooke Lark on Unsplash

“You can’t add fuel to someone else’s flame if you’re a wet blanket.”

John Maxwell

As always – start with yourself.

Know yourself.

If you want others to be inspired, be inspired.

There are leaders in your shadow

"I am so sorry!"

Olivia rushed into the room behind the stage, dragging the cabin bag with its broken wheel across the floor.

"I know we are just minutes away from starting the whole conference, what is the status?"

Her heart was beating furiously. Not just because she had been running from the airport bus to the convention center, but because of the stress. The stress she had felt as soon as she had learned that her flight, along with 50 other flights, had been cancelled due to the storm.

She was responsible for the grand opening of the conference, and instead of arriving the day before, she arrived just minutes before the first speaker would enter the stage.

No wonder she was stressed, no wonder her heart was pumping furiously.

"Everything is under control", her junior colleague Anne said, smiling and moving Olivia's bag out of the way.

"Under control?" Olivia couldn't believe what she heard. She had not been able to stay in contact with them, there had been such a chaos at the airport and her phone had run out of battery.

"Yes." Dan, her most trusted collegague and friend, put his hand on her shoulder. "It is all under control. You should have seen when Anne took charge. Everything has worked out well. We are ready. Relax."

Minutes later the conference opened. All worked out well and Olivia realized she had had a great leader right in front of her nose for months, without realizing it.

One of your main tasks as a leader, is to grow new leaders.
They will only grow if you step away now and then so they can get out of your shadow.

Once you do, you can enjoy the bonus:  

The inner calmess from knowing that others can step into your shoes the times you can't.

One is none, two is one

Would you like your leaders to enjoy their work even more?

And feel more confident about their decisions at the same time?

There is a proven way to increase both enjoyment and confidence.

It has been around for years, but we have not yet applied it to leadership roles.

That is a pity, since the same way of working also reduces stress and increases creativity.

What is this magic process or tool I am talking about?

Pair leading.

If you haven’t heard about it, it is hardly surprising. As far as I know I am the only one using the term.

But even if you haven’t heard about pair-leading, I believe you have heard about the benefits of pair programming.

According to Wikipedia 96% of pair programmers stated in an online survey that they enjoyed their work more than when they programmed alone and 95% said that they were more confident in their solutions when they pair programmed.

Wouldn’t it be great if 96% of your leaders could enjoy their work more?

Photo by Amy Hirschi on Unsplash

So why is pair programming common, while pair leading is not?

One reason is that leaders are often seen as individuals rather than part of a team or a pair.

In some company cultures the leader is even expected to be a strong individual rather than part of a team.

I work with many ambitious and strong leaders.

Many of them are on the edge of being overworked, while others are no longer on the edge.

They fell off the edge and have a long way back.

A common cause of stress is the feeling that

“If I don’t do it, it won’t get done.”

Or

“I am the only who can do it.”

When you feel this way, you go to work even when you are under the weather.

You save up vacation days but you never use them.

When new challenges or opportunities arise, you have a hard time dealing with them, since you are already working excessively with the day to day business.

Working in a pair or a team would relieve the pressure.

Then you can plan a vacation, knowing that your colleague can take over the most important parts of your work.

You can do a quick hand-over when you suddenly need to stay home to take care of a sick child.

And – as icing on the cake - at work you will have a sounding board.

Together you will make better decisions.

Together you will be better leaders.

One is none – two is one.

Are you afraid the company cannot afford it?

Well, how much does is cost your company to have leaders on sick-leave or making poor decisions when over-worked, or lacking the head space to be innovative?

You can afford pair-leading, or project management teams.
The question is - can you afford not to implement it?

When no one is listening - stop talking

The kid was frantic. Kicking and screaming, refusing to go home from daycare.
His mother was trying to reason with him. She used logical arguments, explaining why they needed to do what she had planned, not what he wanted. The boy screamed even louder and put his arms around his head while his mother became increasingly desperate.

I remember thinking;

Why on earth are you talking to a child who is not in a listening state?

Greta Thunberg was clearheaded about it, when she said:

"Why would I waste time talking to him [Donald Trump] when he, of course, is not going to listen to me?"

Why indeed?

Angry toddler. 

Photo by Mohamed Abdelgaffar from Pexels

I have picked up my kids on many occasions and walked away with them in my arms, calming them down with my physical presence rather than with words that would just fall on deaf ears.

It is harder to pick up a colleague who is not listening, or a parent who refuses to accept help.

When you are faced with a person who is not ready or willing to listen - stop talking.

When you resist what is, you waste your time and your energy.

Stop talking, and do something else to get through.

Like picking up your child, or tickling her/him. 

Or something else that breaks the stalemate.


In the example of a colleague, you can choose to simply leave it be for a while.

Come back to the topic another time.

Your words, your time and your energy are too valuable to waste. Only use them when and where they make a difference.

Set goals like a child, not like a fearful adult

“So, what are the goals we are going after this year?”

Manda looked at Victor with anticipation. He knew why. Tomorrow she was going to have a kick-off with the project team. She wanted to have juicy, inspirational goals to share. And she expected him to give them to her.

He cleared his throat, but she interrupted him before he even got started.

“No, don’t tell me. We will go all in on that idea that came up in the last Hackathon and finally show the world that we are as innovative as we say in our marketing. Right?”

She looked at him as a child the day before Christmas. With the same eagerness he had had when the leadership team had gone off-site to set the goals for the year.

“Well... you know, it’s hard to set that as a goal. We have no idea if we can achieve that or not. We haven’t done these things before and...” his voice trailed off when he saw her look.

She crossed her arms.

“So, tell me. What is the goal for the year?”

He looked down and mumbled so she could barely hear him.

“We will increase the sales by 10%.”

Manda shook her head and sighed.

“You didn’t set a goal Victor. You made a bloody forecast.”

Photo by Porapak Apichodilok from Pexels

When children see something they want, they go after it. They believe without a doubt they can become astronauts, dancers, prime ministers or teachers. Or anything else they want.

As we grow up, we learn that not achieving the goals we set is the same as failing.
Over time we even see ourselves as failures if we don’t meet the goals.
Instead of aiming high and risking to fail, we set our goals lower and lower.

We stop aiming for what is possible and settle for what is obtainable.

Don’t fall into that trap.

Set goals as inspiration and use each outcome as a stepping stone – not a measure of your worth.

Happy goal setting!

Using No as fuel

“Why is that guy even working here? Has he ever contributed to anything? I mean, I can deal with different opinions, with criticism, but that guy – he is so downright negative he makes Ebenezer Scrooge seem like Polyanna.”

Victor paced the conference room. Manda looked at him.

“He didn’t like your proposal, I know, but...”

“He never likes anyone’s proposal, he is negative to everything, why should I spend energy on updating a proposal he will not like anyway?”

Manda stood up and got in Victor’s way, forcing him to stop pacing.

“You are not going to update it until he likes it. You are going to update it until you like it. Use the parts of his criticism that make sense and create an even better proposal.“

Victor looked at her, his chest moving as if he had run up the stairs rather than just sitting in the conference room. He wanted to say that there was nothing useful in the old man’s complaints, but deep inside he knew there was always something worth looking into. The guy was annoying but not stupid.

“It’s just that... I don’t know why I let him get to me.”

Manda shrugged.

“Because you want him to like your proposals. Even though he never does. Stop aiming for praise you'll never get. Turn it into a game. How many of his Nos do you need to make your proposal really great?”

He looked at her, suddenly smiling.

“You’re right. I will be like Rocky.”

“Rocky? Your cat?”

“No, Rocky Balboa.” Victor relaxed his face and imitated Sylvester Stallone:

“It ain’t about how hard you hit, it’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward.” 

Rocky Balboa. Flickr

Some people will love everything you do.

Some people will dislike everything you do.

Regardless of what you do.

Make sure you use whatever opinions people have, as ways to improve. Then both Yes and No will help you, and you will be unstoppable.