Your ethical will: What is love?

 Welcome to tell your life story by answering 12 questions!

This series of blog posts is inspired by the book For you when I am gone by Steve Leder. 

Together we will answer one question at the time, giving us a story to share with our loved ones. We will also give ourselves a chance to reflect. Are we living according to our values? 

You are more than welcome to share your answer in a comment. 

As Steve Leder puts it: 

Telling our stories is a way to share whatever meaning and joy we have found along the way, the depth of our love for others and for life itself. To share our story with someone is to say, you matter to me. 

What is love?

As soon as I read the question, Haddaway started singing in my head. Yes, I do have some similarities with Jenny in my book Love, Guilt, and Motorcycles (Jenny, Jenny in Swedish). Haddaway’s What is love doesn’t answer the question though. 

This is one of the answers in Steve’s book: 

“Love is covered well by Corinthians, but I’ll take us back to my Mayan ancestry where love is defined in a greeting, ala kesh ala kin, which means ‘the light I see in you is the same light in me.’ I believe the sages of the ages when they say we are all made of love - and that when we connect to this light within ourselves, we are able to see it in each other.” 

I find that to be a beautiful description. 

The other descriptions Steve shares often describe actions. 

“Love is picking up something at the grocery store that you don’t like to eat but that your husband adores.” 


“Love is getting up in the middle of the night to hold [my wife’s] hair back when she’s sick and puking in the toilet and then cleaning up after she goes back to bed.”

Others describe love in feelings. 

“Love is a feeling of belonging, of feeling just right.”


“...the butterflies in my stomach when I would see [my husband], the sparkle I saw in his eyes…”

I like words, yet, when I am asked to describe love, no words come. Maybe because words will inevitably fall short when trying to explain love. 

As one person wrote in Steve’s book: 

"Love is a state of being. Love, if we try to articulate what it means, shrinks."

That’s why I can’t find the words to describe what love is. I don’t want to shrink it. 

So what is love to me?

Love is everything. 

Love is life. 

Love just is. 

What is love to you? 


How to find time in June - Your relationship overview

Have you ever put your kids to bed, wishing they would fall asleep quickly so you could get back to all the things you still needed to do?

If it is easy to feel that way.

At the same time many parents wish they could spend more time with their children than they do and less time with people who drain their energy.

This month I help you make the most of your time and energy by rethinking, reconnecting or cherishing your relationships.

Find time in June by looking at the different relationships in your life and do one of 3 things for each one of them:

  • Cherish the time you have together
    • Allocate time for it and don’t waste it by thinking about something else when you are with your loved ones.
  • Reconnect with people you have lost touch with 
    • If you think reconnecting will give you energy and joy. 
  • Rethink the relationships that drain you. 
    • Can you forgive and let go? Can you set clear boundaries? Can you stop seeing a person or significantly reduce how often you meet?

You can use the section Relationships in the Holistic Time Management planner or write your own table with people and actions in each category. (See the video for details).

Going deeper

I recommend Jack Pransky's book: Parenting from the heart. 

Here is an interview with Jack about how to Weatherproof your relationship and deal with jealousy.

I hope you will find time and energy this month by managing and enjoying your relationships!

For more help to get more done with less effort and deeper joy, you can read or listen to my book Beyond Efficiency.

Do you already have the book and want to talk to me and others about how to apply what you are learning? Join the monthly Timefinder Coaching Sessions!

Take care of yourself, your time and your life.