If you have already lost - do you dare to love again?

 

Do you dare to love again - if you have already lost someone you loved?

Losing someone we love hurts so much it can be hard to put in words. 

Once we have suffered a loss it can be hard to feel secure and to love again. 

Here is a translated excerpt  from the first book in my Ingelrike-Arniak series Qui Sine Peccato Est.

Kendu was awakened by Leyah crawling close to him, by her placing a cold sweaty hand on his chest. He grunted questioningly, not awake enough to speak, to open his eyes.

      "I had a nightmare. You disappeared. You too."

Kendu turned towards her, eyes still closed. He pulled her close.

      "I will never leave you, Leyah. I made that promise when I was fourteen and it will be for the rest of my life." His fumbling, sleepy hand stroked her cheek.

      "Go to sleep, you have an important interview tomorrow."

      He went back to sleep after only a few minutes. Leyah didn't. She knew she should sleep, knew that her nightmares had more to do with her childhood than her life now. Knew she needed to be fresh for the interview tomorrow. But it didn't matter what she knew. The important thing was what she felt. And what she felt was that this was her last night with Kendu. Their last night together in this bed. 

    As the night turned to dawn, to morning with the traffic noise from the street outside, she watched him, every part of him. Wanted to memorise every feature, remember everything, from his unibrow to the foot with the long middle toe. If this was their last night, she would make sure she remembered it to her last breath.

To hear me read from the book (in Swedish), watch this video.

This passage will be included in my book release for Rabbitface Part 2: The Death of an Angel. I chose this part of the book because it fits the theme of the release:

Love & Loss

We will be talking about how to dare to love something or someone that we might lose.

I hope you want to join the release 😊 and that you dare to love no matter the losses you may have experienced. 

All you need to know about the release is available on > this page <. 

Family & Friends. From guilt and obligation to love and joy

Family and friends – Joy and Boundaries

Family and friends can be a fantastic source of joy and energy.However, they can also make you feel obligated and guilty.

In this video, I'll help you find the energy from family and friends using recommendations from my Timefinder community.

In this video I describe four areas:

· giving ourselves time and care without guilt;

· creating a rhythm for spending time with loved ones;

· being fully present with friends and family; and

· building a lifestyle that helps us handle tough times.

 

Giving ourselves time and care without feeling guilty

We've all heard "fill up your own cup" or "you can't help others unless you take care of yourself first." Yet many still feel guilty for taking "me time" or saying no to requests.

When you overcome guilt and people-pleasing, you become a role model for self-care. This is important, especially if you have children. By taking care of yourself, you teach those around you to do the same.

Creating a rhythm for spending time with loved ones

Instead of taking things as they come, be more structured. Set aside the right amount of time for loved ones and put it in your calendar. Find a rhythm that works for you including frequency and types of meetings.

Being fully present with friends and family

Be fully present when with friends, family or anyone. It's efficient and satisfying. Fifteen minutes of focused presence is better than hours of being around while distracted. We usually remember this with friends but might be absent-minded at home with our children. 

I once read that fifteen minutes a day per child is helpful. When I focused on one of my three children for 15 minutes, they felt it was enough and would move on.

Building a lifestyle that helps us handle tough times.

There are times when endless needs arise. This could be a friend with a terminal illness, a child with special needs, or a family member declining in health. These needs will always be present and can't simply be scheduled in your calendar.

For long-term support, build and cultivate a network of family, friends, neighbours, and social structures. We often think we must do it all ourselves, but sharing the responsibility lightens the load. If you can't be physically present, offer emotional support online or help those who are there in person.

For more details and examples, watch the video.

I hope you find it useful.