Family & Friends. From guilt and obligation to love and joy

Family and friends – Joy and Boundaries

Family and friends can be a fantastic source of joy and energy.However, they can also make you feel obligated and guilty.

In this video, I'll help you find the energy from family and friends using recommendations from my Timefinder community.

In this video I describe four areas:

· giving ourselves time and care without guilt;

· creating a rhythm for spending time with loved ones;

· being fully present with friends and family; and

· building a lifestyle that helps us handle tough times.

 

Giving ourselves time and care without feeling guilty

We've all heard "fill up your own cup" or "you can't help others unless you take care of yourself first." Yet many still feel guilty for taking "me time" or saying no to requests.

When you overcome guilt and people-pleasing, you become a role model for self-care. This is important, especially if you have children. By taking care of yourself, you teach those around you to do the same.

Creating a rhythm for spending time with loved ones

Instead of taking things as they come, be more structured. Set aside the right amount of time for loved ones and put it in your calendar. Find a rhythm that works for you including frequency and types of meetings.

Being fully present with friends and family

Be fully present when with friends, family or anyone. It's efficient and satisfying. Fifteen minutes of focused presence is better than hours of being around while distracted. We usually remember this with friends but might be absent-minded at home with our children. 

I once read that fifteen minutes a day per child is helpful. When I focused on one of my three children for 15 minutes, they felt it was enough and would move on.

Building a lifestyle that helps us handle tough times.

There are times when endless needs arise. This could be a friend with a terminal illness, a child with special needs, or a family member declining in health. These needs will always be present and can't simply be scheduled in your calendar.

For long-term support, build and cultivate a network of family, friends, neighbours, and social structures. We often think we must do it all ourselves, but sharing the responsibility lightens the load. If you can't be physically present, offer emotional support online or help those who are there in person.

For more details and examples, watch the video.

I hope you find it useful.