“I have never seen you angry. You are always unfazed. It makes me wonder what you are like when you do get angry.”
You
don’t want to know what I am like when I am angry, I thought, when a colleague of mine made this
remark years ago.
The most frequent feedback I ever received over the years as a leader has been that I am calm. Regardless of circumstances, regardless of how stressful a situation may seem, I remain calm.
That
doesn’t mean I never get angry. I do.
My kids definitely
agree to this, as well as the guy who didn’t keep his hands to himself at that
party at University decades ago. I shoved my elbow in his chest before I turned
around and yelled at him. With fear in his eyes he stepped backwards, repeating
over and over again it wasn’t him. It wasn’t until my friend tapped me on the
shoulder and let me know it indeed hadn’t been the guy I was yelling at, but
his friend (who, cowardly enough, had run away before I turned around) that I
stopped yelling at the semi-innocent guy. Semi, because, you know, just standing by and
doing nothing when your friend behaves like that isn’t exactly something to be
proud of either.
Should, or
shouldn’t we use anger to influence a situation, to initiate change?
According
to Freedomways magazine, Martin Luther King said in 1968:
"The
supreme task [of a leader] is to organize and unite people so that their anger
becomes a transforming force.“
I admire
Martin Luther King greatly. Who doesn’t? But I think we can agree that it is
better to transform and influence people and situations without anger than with.
If you do
get angry, make sure you don’t suppress it. According to Chris Aiken MD at Wake Forest University School of Medicine, repressed anger is associated with heart disease.
Don’t repress your anger. Don’t let your anger get the better of you. But do allow yourself to use it.
