Your ethical will: What was your biggest failure?

Welcome back to Twelve essential questions to tell a life story. By joining me in twelve blog posts you will create what Rabbi Leder calls your ethical will.

By answering the questions your loved ones will get to know you deeper and you will understand yourself better. Let your memories bring meaning!

To join – read the blog posts, reflect on the questions and write down your own answers. You are very welcome to share them in the comments.

Welcome on an interesting journey!

What was your biggest failure?

Hmm, isn’t this a strange question? What is a failure anyway, isn’t it just a lesson?

Maybe.

In my experience a failure can hurt even if we learn from it. I know the failure I will tell you about still saddens me even if I have learned from it and things turned out alright in the end.

As Steve Leder writes:

“Failure is a great teacher, attacking arrogance while inviting humility, painfully yet fortunately forcing us to take a cold, hard look at our own dysfunction, its roots and its thorns.”

Let’s have a look at a touching failure shared in the book:

“My greatest flaw, in my view, is I could not accept my dad, who was an uneducated man damaged by his poverty-stricken upbringing, a survivor of the Holocaust who lost his first family. He was not the flawed one, I was. I just wish when my dad had dementia and said at the age of ninety-three that he didn’t think I loved him, and I said I did, that I meant it at the time. I do now!”

 

My biggest failure was letting go of Russin, a wonderful labrador-border collie mix. I grew up with dogs and never thought I would ever need to give one up. My Springer spaniel Lotti and I even won prizes at obedience competitions.

Sure, I noticed early on Russin was more insecure than my previous dogs, but we were convinced we would be able to raise her to become a stable dog, just like we had our previous dogs. When our first child came to our family, Russin didn’t know how to deal with him. As long as he was too small to move around it was alright, but when he started crawling and standing she saw him as a threat. Then, suddenly, Russin started attacking Lotti, our other dog. They had been great friends up until then. Their fights were not just skirmishes, Lotti got badly hurt and the fights were hard for us to break up once they started. We lived in a war zone, having to keep the dogs apart and worrying about Russin possibly hurting our baby one day.

Of course we thought we could fix it. Of course we tried. The alternative, giving up a dog was at first unthinkable. In my head that was what bad dog owners did. People who gave up too quickly, irresponsible, uncaring dog owners. Surely we weren't like that?

In the end we realised the best for the whole family, Russin included, was to find her another family. We did. They loved her and sent us photos of her life with them for many years. 

While we tried to fix the situation we got to know great dog trainers and became more intuitive dog owners. By letting go of Russin there was eventually space in our life for Jaspis, the best possible dog for a family with by then three children.

Still.

Despite all the learnings and all good things coming from this situation, I still hurt when I think about Russin looking at us through the rear-window of her new owners’ car.

To my wonderful Russin, now in heaven since long,

I am sorry things didn’t turn out as intended even though they did turn out well in the end. Love you forever.

Matte Annika

How to find time in March: Plan what fits

Do you mostly get all the things you plan done?

If not, do you blame yourself?

Don’t.

Blaming yourself reduces energy and joy and increases waste-time.

This month I help you get out of the feeling of always being behind.

 

Find time in March by planning only what can fit in a week rather than what you think you should get done. Remember, you simply cannot fit 300 hours of work into a 168 hour week.

When you fully accept this and dare to say no to yourself and others, you will focus on what you can get done and to your surprise you will get more done than when you freak out about the things that do not fit.

To dive deeper into how you can set yourself up for success with realistic plans, watch the Timefinder Academy webinar >>> Balance your week <<<.  The webinar is accessible for Timefinder Academy members.  You can sign up and get access immediately >>> here <<<.

I hope you will find the courage to say no to the things that will not fit in your glass of time, so you can focus on and enjoy the things that do!

Your ethical will: What makes you happy?

Welcome back to Twelve essential questions to tell a life story.

Join me in twelve blog posts and create what Rabbi Leder calls your ethical will.

By answering the questions your loved ones will get to know you deeper and you will understand yourself better. Let your memories bring meaning!

To join – read the blog posts, reflect on the questions and write down your own answers. You are very welcome to share them in the comments.

Welcome on an interesting journey!

What makes you happy and what life lessons can be drawn from that?

I hope you, like I, have lots of answers to the question about what makes you happy. 

If I would have answered this in my youth, the answer would have been dancing. I loved dancing, being part of a show dance group, teach kids how to dance, prepare the choreography… I loved all of it. 

Another thing that immediately comes to mind is driving my motorcycle. I loved it as soon as I sat on the back of a motorcycle and I have been driving since I was sixteen. The freedom, the roar of the engine, the smells that reach me through the helmet… I love all of that too. 

Then of course the things that have always been part of my life. Walking my wonderful dogs, being with my family, travelling and exploring. 

Working also makes me happy. Solving difficult problems with skilled people. Hearing from my clients how I have helped change their lives. Of course that makes me happy. 

Last and far from least. The reason you are reading this is because I love to read and to write. 

When reading about Happiness in the book For you when I am gone, I see I differ from Steve’s description of happiness. His conclusion is that happiness is togetherness. 

Hmm… 

Several of the things I mentioned above I do alone. Riding my Gladius, reading and writing. Maybe I enjoy the togetherness with my motorcycle, the author of the book I am reading and the characters in the stories I write. 

Or I am simply a person who finds happiness both in togetherness and solitude. 

There is another description in the book that I understand better. 

 

“We tend to think about happiness as a singular event or a spontaneous moment in time caused by external factors we do not control - a sort of lucky surprise, like winning the lottery without buying a ticket. But in most cases real happiness requires a process and is the distillate of mindful living day after week after month, and even decades of intention.”

My advice for my loved ones - do what makes you happy. If not every second, then at least every day. That is the only way to live life fully. 

Now it’s your turn!

What makes you happy and what life lessons can your loved ones draw from that?

How to find time in February - One simple question

Have you ever been in a meeting that doesn’t end at the planned time, stressing out about being late for the next meeting - or worse - late for picking up your kids?

There is a simple way to avoid this kind of stress.

All it takes is asking yourself one question...

This month I give you a simple but powerful tool to manage your time, all day every day.

Find time in February, by asking yourself: 

How do I want to use my time?

Throughout the day. 

When something takes longer than planned

Pause and ask yourself how you want to use your time. 

Continue or stop? 

Stay in the meeting or suggest concluding it and schedule a new one for the remaining agenda items?

When something goes faster than planned

Ask yourself how you want to use the “extra time” so you don’t end up wasting it.

Going deeper

To get more helpful examples and to watch an inspiring story about how a mother gets a completely different experience of her day when using this simple technique, watch the Manage your time every day, all day webinar on >>> this link <<<.  

The webinar is accessible for Timefinder Academy members only. 
Sign up and get immediate access  >>> here <<<.

Get started

I hope you will apply the tips in the video immediately, so you get away from stress and find yourself in control of your time – regardless of what happens during the day.

Your ethical will: When was a time you led with your heart?

Welcome back to Twelve essential questions to tell a life story. By joining me in twelve blog posts you will create what Rabbi Leder calls your ethical will.

By answering the questions your loved ones will get to know you deeper and you will understand yourself better. Let your memories bring meaning!

To join – read the blog posts, reflect on the questions and write down your own answers. You are very welcome to share them in the comments.

Welcome on an interesting journey!

When was a time you led with your heart?

My spontaneous answer is that I lead with my heart most of the time. I want to follow my heart and take my head with me. Following my heart is easy. Discerning the voice of my heart from the voice of my head can be harder.  

I attended a course with author and teacher Jeffrey Allen who described how he used to think he had no intuition. Then he learned to listen to and follow his intuition. It wasn’t until then he realised he had always followed it.

It is the same for me about following my heart. The more I follow it, the more I understand I "always have". Thanks to following my heart I have found the love of my life, a home I love and I have written stories that touch hearts and open minds. 

I have selected one important time I led with my heart that I will share with you. Before I do, let’s have a look at one of the answers in the book For you when I am gone:

"When I was eighteen years old , I ran after a handsome twenty-year-old boy and blocked him from entering the restroom at a restaurant we were both dining at. I knew him - he wasn’t a stranger. I said to him, 

“When you get rid of her” - he had a girlfriend at the time - “and you will… give me a call.” Then I ran back to my table.  

A year and a half later he did. [...] The rest is history."

A time I led with my heart was when I decided to leave the great career I had to become my own boss. 

If you follow me on LinkedIn or if you have listened to one of the podcasts I have been a guest on, you will recognize this story. 

I won’t be here when I turn 50

One of my colleagues turned 50, so we were celebrating her in the office by the riverside.

As she talked about how she hadn’t planned to stay so long at this company I nodded in recognition. Before working at that company, I had changed companies every 2-3 years. But, as my colleague was saying, this company was large enough to satisfy her (and my) need for growth and variation.

Then there was this voice in my head, saying “I won’t be here when I turn 50.”

I didn’t know then, but I know now that it was my intuition talking.

Just before I turned 50 I left the interesting company I had worked so long for, to work full time in my own company.

Not because I wanted to “escape corporate” but because it was time. Time for new adventures.

I haven't regretted it a second - but if I hadn't dared to take that step I would have regretted not doing it many times over by now.

My advice to my loved ones: 

Intuition whispers while conviction shouts.

If you hear or feel it, don’t ignore it. It may be guiding you to something fantastic.

Now it’s your turn.

When was a time you led with your heart?

How to find time in January - Use 3 types of plans

Are you all excited about the new year?

Eager to achieve and experience new things?

I hope so! I know I am.

Are you also worried you may not get them done?
Maybe you worry about losing energy and enthusiasm on the way or getting overwhelmed.
No need to worry. 

By using 3 types of straight-forward plans you can stay balanced, on track and out of last-minute rush!

Find time in January, by introducing and using 3 levels of plans:

Your weekly plan.

Make sure you spend your week in ways that give energy and room for what you want. Only then can you use your time efficiently. You can learn more about weekly planning here. 

Your Daily plan.

Keep yourself on track without overloading your brain. Focus on 3 wanted outcomes, keep track of all deadlines and appointments and see anything else as bonus. You can learn more about daily planning here. 

Your monthly plan.

Avoid last-minute rush and unnecessary collisions with a monthly outlook. No need to go into details, just look ahead and see how you can be ready for different events and appointments. You can learn more about monthly planning here.

Going deeper

To learn even more about these types of plans, plus the powerful concept: Do it now or do it now later, watch this webinar to get examples and guidance. The webinar is accessible for Timefinder Academy members.

You can sign up and get access immediately >>> here <<<.

These 3 types of plans have helped many, I hope they will help you achieve what you want this year, in a balanced and fun way!

Wrap up the year in a way that feels good - do a WINE analysis.

Welcome to December, a perfect month to look back at the year in a way that gives energy and insights for the coming year.

I suggest you do a WINE analysis for the year that is now coming to an end. 

You will move focus from “all the things you didn’t get done” to the things you have experienced and achieved this year.

This will empower you and give you a great platform for new goals next year!

We are used to focusing on all the things we have not yet done. Too often we beat ourselves up about it. This reduces energy and makes us even less likely to achieve future goals.

What we often forget is we get things done and we experience and achieve things all the time. Recognizing this increases energy and our chances of achieving more in the future.

What I suggest you do in December is to take time out, together with your loved ones if you can, and do a WINE analysis.

WINE is an acronym for

• Winning
• Influence
• Needed
• Enjoyment

Reflecting about what you have experienced this year in these 4 areas in 3 of your life spheres is likely to make you happy and proud!

Instructions for How to find time in December:

1. Set aside one hour for reflection. Alone or with your loved ones.
2. Sit down with pen and paper (or computer if you turn off notifications that distract you) and look at each area and life sphere in the WINE analysis. Write down what you have achieved and experienced in these areas. Celebrate and enjoy! Learn and grow!

Tools and guidance:

Watch this webinar to get examples and guidance. Reflect back on the year along with the participants!

This webinar is accessible for Timefinder Academy members.

You can sign up and get access immediately >>> here <<<.

If you are not yet ready to join the academy, just download >>> this template<<< and use it when you fill in your own WINE analysis.

I hope you will enjoy reflecting about the year and finding energy and time!