Don’t compare your beauty with someone else’s glamour

Are you unable to see your own beauty because you expect it to look like someone else's glamour?

I like how former fashion model Paulina Porizkova describes Glamour versus Beauty.

She says that glamour requires a lot of work to show off your best. Beauty, on the other hand, just needs you to be yourself.

Watch this video to hear more about this or read the summary below the video. 

  

A glamorous photo involves hours of work by makeup artists, hair stylists, studio lights, and perhaps some editing. It’s all about showing what you consider beautiful.

In contrast, beauty is fully being yourself. She shows a picture of herself looking natural with her boyfriend and another where she looks quirky with glasses that make her eyes look small. This highlights how glamour hides things while beauty is just being yourself.

However, being yourself isn’t that “just”, is it?

There are parts of us we might not want to share with everyone. We might show one side to our family and another at work. So yes, being beautiful requires daring to be yourself, but it’s not that simple.

Social media and TV show a lot of glamour with makeup and filters. We might compare this to our morning look with glasses on.

Could it be that we can’t see our own beauty because we expect it to look like someone else’s glamour?

There’s nothing wrong with glamour. I’m happy dressing up when I release a new book. But at home, I dress differently.

Glamour is fine just remember not to confuse someone else's glamour with your own natural beauty.

Take care 💙

Increase your freedom by caring about your time (without becoming a time nut)

When you think of freedom, do you believe controlling your time increases or decreases it?

Some might argue that time management equates to less freedom. However, both I and my clients, along with Alan Lakein in his book "How to Get Control of Your Time and Your Life," assert that proper time control grants more freedom.

In the video I summarise a section of his book, intertwined with my own thoughts.

Below the video, you can read a summary of what I say, should you prefer that format.

 

Firstly, consider what time is. Time is irreversible and irreplaceable. Many stress over this, fearing wasted moments. While true, there's no need for anxiety. The past cannot be changed; focus on the present as new time continually arrives—168 hours each week for you to decide how to use. Time is life; mastering it means mastering your life.

Lakein's approach to time management isn't about squeezing tasks into the shortest timeframe. Over-focusing on efficiency can strip life and thought from activities. Instead, it's about working smarter, not harder, allowing you to pursue what you love. For instance, despite a demanding job and three young children, I found time to write stories because of effective time management.

Lakein emphasises being effective over merely efficient. Efficiency is doing tasks quickly; effectiveness is choosing the right tasks. Sometimes this means delegating or lowering ambition levels on less important activities. Effective time use is a learnable skill, not an innate talent.

The payoff for managing your time better is gaining control over your life. This control shouldn't be too tight like a clenched fist—compulsive and obsessive—nor too loose like a limp hand—apathetic and lazy. Aim for balanced control, akin to a flexible yet functional hand.

Remember, different people require varying degrees of structure and spontaneity. This can change with life phases; what worked in your twenties may not suit you as a parent. Time use is personal; only you can judge its effectiveness for your life.

Coaching can help tailor time management strategies to your needs. Books and videos provide insights but finding what works specifically for you might require personalised guidance.

Lakein warns against becoming over-organised, an overdoer, or a time nut—all extremes where potentially valuable traits become liabilities. Over-organisation prioritises plans over actions, overdoing focuses on ceaseless activity without assessing value, and being a time nut involves rushing through an impossible schedule without questioning it.

In essence, greater control of your time leads to greater freedom by finding the right balance for you without veering into extremes.

Let me know if you want my help finding your way of managing time.

The balance between living and limiting our lives

When I went to kindergarten, a friend of mine told me she wasn't allowed to keep pets. Her mother argued that she'd get too upset when they died.

Life can be a balance between living life with our hearts open and vulnerable, and limiting life to protect ourselves from pain and sorrow.

Only you know what balance is right for your life.

Do you dare to love and live with a pet, even if it is likely to die before you?

You are welcome to watch this video to reflect on this question.

 

In the video I read from my book Thank You Mum.

If you would like to read more chapters, you can find them on this blog. 

This is the link to the first chapter.

From dreams to reality through planning, habit change and envisioning

Welcome to this blogpost designed to help you transform dreams into reality through planning, habit change and envisioning

In this video I share recommendations by my Timefinder community to help you reach your dreams by letting your daily life bring you closer to them.

We recommend three approaches:

· Converting intentions into actionable steps using work breakdown structures,

· Changing habits gradually with habit tracking, and

· Envisioning your goals through visualisation and experience.

Firstly, the classical approach involves using work breakdown structures. 

Start with yearly intentions, which might be represented by a vision board or a presentation. Break these down into quarterly goals, then monthly targets, and finally into weekly and daily plans. 

This method ensures continuous progress and keeps your goals embedded in everyday life. Remember to make follow-up enjoyable—perhaps involve someone else for accountability and fun. Regularly review your progress and adjust plans as needed.

Secondly, if your goals are about personal transformation, focus on habit changes. 

Identify habits to add, remove or modify, and use a habit tracker to monitor progress. A visual habit tracker helps you see patterns and stay motivated. Recognise progress even if it’s small; it’s crucial for maintaining motivation. Add the habit of tracking habits to your daily routine to ensure consistency.

Lastly, envisioning your dreams as current reality can be powerful. 

Surround yourself with cues like vision boards or films that reflect your aspirations. Music, scents, and other sensory elements can reinforce this feeling. Your brain can’t distinguish between vivid imagination and reality, so immerse yourself in experiences that mirror your dreams.

Throughout all methods, remember progress isn’t linear.

 Expect ups and downs and plan for them. Stay in the race even when it’s slow; perseverance is key. An accountability partner or a mood-boosting activity menu can help during tough times.

Be kind to yourself and enjoy the journey.

I hope these recommendations from my Time Finder community help you turn dreams into reality.

If you want to join the community, start by learning the Courageous Time Management Method (either by working with me or by reading my book). Once you have that knowledge, you’re welcome to join us!

Find out if working directly with me would suit you by booking a short intro call 

Buy the book Beyond Efficiency 

Then you are welcome to Join the community 😊

If you have already lost - do you dare to love again?

 

Do you dare to love again - if you have already lost someone you loved?

Losing someone we love hurts so much it can be hard to put in words. 

Once we have suffered a loss it can be hard to feel secure and to love again. 

Here is a translated excerpt  from the first book in my Ingelrike-Arniak series Qui Sine Peccato Est.

Kendu was awakened by Leyah crawling close to him, by her placing a cold sweaty hand on his chest. He grunted questioningly, not awake enough to speak, to open his eyes.

      "I had a nightmare. You disappeared. You too."

Kendu turned towards her, eyes still closed. He pulled her close.

      "I will never leave you, Leyah. I made that promise when I was fourteen and it will be for the rest of my life." His fumbling, sleepy hand stroked her cheek.

      "Go to sleep, you have an important interview tomorrow."

      He went back to sleep after only a few minutes. Leyah didn't. She knew she should sleep, knew that her nightmares had more to do with her childhood than her life now. Knew she needed to be fresh for the interview tomorrow. But it didn't matter what she knew. The important thing was what she felt. And what she felt was that this was her last night with Kendu. Their last night together in this bed. 

    As the night turned to dawn, to morning with the traffic noise from the street outside, she watched him, every part of him. Wanted to memorise every feature, remember everything, from his unibrow to the foot with the long middle toe. If this was their last night, she would make sure she remembered it to her last breath.

To hear me read from the book (in Swedish), watch this video.

This passage will be included in my book release for Rabbitface Part 2: The Death of an Angel. I chose this part of the book because it fits the theme of the release:

Love & Loss

We will be talking about how to dare to love something or someone that we might lose.

I hope you want to join the release 😊 and that you dare to love no matter the losses you may have experienced. 

All you need to know about the release is available on > this page <. 

Family & Friends. From guilt and obligation to love and joy

Family and friends – Joy and Boundaries

Family and friends can be a fantastic source of joy and energy.However, they can also make you feel obligated and guilty.

In this video, I'll help you find the energy from family and friends using recommendations from my Timefinder community.

In this video I describe four areas:

· giving ourselves time and care without guilt;

· creating a rhythm for spending time with loved ones;

· being fully present with friends and family; and

· building a lifestyle that helps us handle tough times.

 

Giving ourselves time and care without feeling guilty

We've all heard "fill up your own cup" or "you can't help others unless you take care of yourself first." Yet many still feel guilty for taking "me time" or saying no to requests.

When you overcome guilt and people-pleasing, you become a role model for self-care. This is important, especially if you have children. By taking care of yourself, you teach those around you to do the same.

Creating a rhythm for spending time with loved ones

Instead of taking things as they come, be more structured. Set aside the right amount of time for loved ones and put it in your calendar. Find a rhythm that works for you including frequency and types of meetings.

Being fully present with friends and family

Be fully present when with friends, family or anyone. It's efficient and satisfying. Fifteen minutes of focused presence is better than hours of being around while distracted. We usually remember this with friends but might be absent-minded at home with our children. 

I once read that fifteen minutes a day per child is helpful. When I focused on one of my three children for 15 minutes, they felt it was enough and would move on.

Building a lifestyle that helps us handle tough times.

There are times when endless needs arise. This could be a friend with a terminal illness, a child with special needs, or a family member declining in health. These needs will always be present and can't simply be scheduled in your calendar.

For long-term support, build and cultivate a network of family, friends, neighbours, and social structures. We often think we must do it all ourselves, but sharing the responsibility lightens the load. If you can't be physically present, offer emotional support online or help those who are there in person.

For more details and examples, watch the video.

I hope you find it useful.

Could someone like that love someone like you?

We are all worthy of love - but at times we forget

At times we may even believe that some people are "out of our league", as I describe in this translated excerpt  from my book Ursus-dit rättvisan inte når. 

She stopped. Reluctantly. It was hard enough as it was. She wished he wouldn't look at her with his sad eyes. Slowly she turned to face him.

"Yes?"

"If it hadn't been for... could you have loved me? Could someone like you have loved someone like me?"

He stood before her. A big, strong grown man, but in his eyes she saw a small, scared boy. A little boy who didn't know if he was worthy of love. Maybe if she told him the truth, he wouldn't let her go. Maybe he wouldn't let her go back to the life she had. Maybe he would hope for something she never intended to let happen. The door opened behind her. It was her husband. He called out to her. This time he wouldn't stand any contradictions. Still, she went back and put her hand on the other man's arm.

"Love means knowing everything about another person and loving them just as they are. You and I never got that far. So I don't know, I never got to know you fully."

He shrank before her eyes. It hurt her, so she let the words fall out of her mouth, quickly so she could say them before her husband would come to take her back inside:

"But I've never felt so safe with anyone else as with you. While you scare the hell out of me, because I've never wanted anyone as much as I wanted you. No one else has made me so vulnerable. Of course I could have loved someone like you. If only I had the courage."

To hear me read from the book (in Swedish), watch this video.

This passage will be included in my book release for Rabbitface Part 2: The Death of an Angel. I chose this part of the book because it fits the theme of the release:

Love & Loss

We will be talking about how to dare to love something or someone that we might lose.

I hope you want to join the release 😊 and that you always remember that you are worthy of love.

All you need to know about the release is on > this page <.