You can't see yourself when you're in the frame

When I was born my hair was black. The midwife thought my father was Japanese, given the black hair and the slanted eyes.  

A few weeks later my hair turned into the light blond hair that is so common among Swedish children. The older I got, the darker my hair became. Now my hair colour is what my sons call "dirty blond". 

When I was in my teens a hairdresser said that she wanted to dye my hair red. I told her she was crazy. I was way to pale to have any other colour of hair than blond. 

(My husband remarked when I told him this story: What, had you never seen the skin colour of gingers?)

The hairdresser told me that my colours would "come out" if I had red hair, so I agreed to the change. 

Ever since that first time, I have dyed my hair red in winter time. I see it as a Christmas decoration. 

If that hairdresser hadn't suggested it, it would not have occurred to me. 

As Les Brown says: 

"We can't see ourselves when we are in the frame."

That's why coaching is so useful. 

My coach (a wonderful Tony Robbins' result coach) tells me things that annoy me at times. I might clench my jaws and say: 

"I KNOW. That's what I teach my clients. I just didn't see I did it myself..."

We all have blind spots. Others can help us see them. Coaches specialize in helping you see your blind spots. 

If you are interested in a coach who has red hair a few months a year, let me know. 

I might be the one who helps you love the life you have created but don't find the time to enjoy. 

The number one destroyer of intimacy

“You never listen to me!”

“You only think about yourself!”

When uttering these words, you may feel as if they are true. As if the person you are criticizing is never ever listening and is always thinking about her- or himself.

What if that simply isn’t true? 

You may be blaming a person you care about because you have hit what Gay Hendricks calls your “Upper Limit”.

We hit our upper limits when life becomes better than we ever thought it could be. Better than we think we deserve.

It sounds like that would be just wonderful. Why would we ruin it?

Because we get scared. We think life is supposed to be one way, and then when it goes on to be even better, when it stretches beyond the box we thought we would live in, we get terrified.

To protect ourselves from the unknown we pull life back to what we expect it to be by “self-sabotaging”.

Criticism is one way of “upper limiting” yourself. It is also the number one destroyer of intimacy in close relationships. By blaming your partner, you are pushing him or her away, denying yourself of their love.

If you tend to criticize people, you most likely criticize yourself as well. You criticize yourself and make your life smaller than it could be.

Gay Hendricks calls criticism an addiction.

Are you addicted?

Stop criticising one day to find out.

You are worthy of love.

You are worthy of a wonderful life.

When you fully realize this, you can break through your self-imposed Upper-Limits.

The opposite of happiness isn’t sadness – it’s boredom.

When I tell my Timefinding clients to add something they love to their busy schedules, they look at me as if I am mad. 

“I don’t have time to do what I want!  I have to do these 47 things on my To Do list first!”

 No you don’t. 

By the time you have taken care of the 47 things you will have added another 48. 

Photo by David Fagundes on Pexels

If you don’t give yourself time to do what you want to do, you will get exhausted and bored.

When you’re bored you’re not happy.

When you’re not happy, you’re not you.

Do you still want to focus on what you “should” do?

Then remember that life is supposed to be fun.

You should be happy.

How to reduce stress by exchanging one letter

Do you suffer from FOMO (the Fear Of Missing Out)?

If you do, it may stress you out.
Staying up to date or attempting to control “everything” is not a good way to spend your time or energy. 

Recently I attended the Distributed 2020 event.

In a panel discussion David Darmanin, CEO of HotJar, warned about FOMO.

He said that at HotJar they instead talk about: 

 

JOMO, Joy Of Missing Out. 

I used to stay up to date on news.
After realizing how the negativity in the news affected me, 

I reduced my news consumption considerably.
I am happily missing out on it and only read TIME nowadays.

What will you choose to joyfully miss out on?

Friend or foe? How to make more of the former and fewer of the latter

The old-fashioned language in the well-known sentence "Friend or Foe" shows us that we have divided people around us as either friend or foe for a long time.

We have all heard the phrase:

“I’d rather have an honest enemy than a fake friend”

but that doesn’t change the fact that we want to have many true friends and few foes. 

When it comes to dealing with enemies, let’s look at what some influential persons have to say about it.

 

1. Don’t make enemies.

Some frown at this advice, thinking “not making enemies” means you don’t stand up for yourself or what you believe in. As if fighting and arguing shows that you are strong and committed while not doing so means being fearful and indifferent.

What if it just means you stick to what you believe, regardless of what others say or do?

Bob Proctor put it well in one of his books:

Act as if you have:

“Nothing to defend, nothing to attack, nothing to prove. You just know.”

Tony Robbin’s says the same thing in his straight forward way:

“Opinions are like ass-holes. Everyone’s got one. That doesn’t mean you have to wave it around.”

If you can avoid making enemies, great.

If you have already made some, then what?

2. Leave your enemies until they make a mistake

Rather than trying to destroy your enemy one way or the other, you can take the stance of  Napoleon Bonaparte and let them mess up themselves.

“N’interrompez jamais un ennemi qui est en train de faire une erreur.”

 (Never interrupt an enemy who is about to make a mistake.)

3. Transform them

My favourite way though, and the quote that inspired me to write this post, comes from Abraham Lincoln. During the Civil War he was criticized by some for showing respect for Southerners instead of seeing them as enemies that should be destroyed.

His answer?

“Do I not destroy my enemies when I make them my friends?”

Of course he did.  

I hope you will refrain from making enemies, and if you have already made a few, I hope you destroy them by making them your friends.

Listen to the podcast - Annika interviewed by the Thoughtful Entrepreneur

If you would like to hear about my entrepreneur journey and get advice about time management at the same time, just listen to the Thoughtful Entrepreneur podcast when they interviewed me. 😀

Whenever you are able to listen for 30 minutes, put your earphones in and listen to: 

https://player.captivate.fm/episode/86ebd2c6-a06f-4012-9b0b-5102a16f8828

I hope it will be valuable for you!

Annika

The secret to ever-lasting love

Step 1: Know that you are loveable. Feel it. Believe it.

Step 2: Find the love of your life

Step 3: Love and be loved

Step 4: Spread the love 

If you skip step 1, it won’t help if you get to step 2. You will not be able to stay in step 3.

It’s hard to love and be loved if you don’t think you’re worthy of love.

Even if your partner loves you and shows it, you will not believe it.

How could you, if deep inside you don’t think you are loveable?

We are often taught that it is selfish to love and accept ourselves the way we are.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

If you don’t love yourself, you will not receive and trust someone else’s love either.

Have you ever offered love but heard from your loved one (s)he doesn't believe you? 

That hurts.

So loving yourself is not selfish or egoistic.

It is a pre-requisite for receiving love from others and truly loving them.

You are worthy of love.

We all are.

Allow yourself to give and receive love.

Only then can you get to the important step 4 above. 

PS. My husband thinks that the secret to everlasting love is great sex ;)