Say no to want to say yes

 Sexual concordance.

I hadn’t heard the term before I read it in an article (aptly labelled The view opener) called Closing the pleasure gap by Katherine Rowland in TIME.

Part of the article made me sad. It described that many women lose their desire for sex after getting used to unwanted or boring sex.

What a waste!

Researchers William Masters and Virginia Johnson say that the range and depth of women’s pleasure “infinitely surpasses that of a man”, yet many women “grit through it”.

Why aren’t more women enjoying sex?

This was where the term sexual concordance came in.

Sexual concordance describes the extent to which mind and body are in sync. The research showed that even if women were physically aroused, many said they were not. Meaning they didn’t allow themselves to be, maybe didn’t even feel like they were. Sad, isn’t it?

Anthropologists have found that

·       in societies where women are expected to enjoy sex as much as men do, women have regular orgasms

·       in societies where women’s sexuality is sometimes seen as impure or shameful, there are more problems with reaching orgasms and more women end up seeing sex as a chore

As always, what we think about something will impact how we experience it.

Are your thoughts about sex limited by what others may think?

We are all subject to cultural conditioning.

The first step to get rid of any limitation is awareness. 

Awareness and realizing that no matter how great something is, it can always get better.

What I really liked about the article, was the conclusion.

It is relevant for much more than sex.

The conclusion is the same as one of the corner stones I teach when I help working mums and other leaders with time management.

A woman described how she had once felt that she “should” make herself pleasing and available and be open to sex whenever her partner desired it. 

It wasn’t until she started saying:

“I don’t want to right now”, that she started wanting to at other times.

What do you need to say no to now, so you can find the desire to say yes later?