Your ethical will: What will your final blessing be?

This series of blog posts is inspired by Steve Leder's book For You When I am Gone.


When I set out to write and share these blog posts, I didn't really know what to expect, but I have enjoyed the reflection and clarity it has given me. I hope you have enjoyed your own journey as you have followed me through these questions.


We have come to the final question. What will your final blessing be?

To answer this, imagine that you can attend your own funeral and whisper a final blessing to your loved ones. What will you say to them?

Here are a few examples from the book:

Be kind to each other, take care of each other, and never forget how important your family is to your life.

Please take care of my wife. I can’t be there for her now - so I beg you to grant her comfort and respect the fullness of your love. Please be blessings to each other, celebrate with each other, stay close to each other.

Find work you enjoy well enough and perform it with integrity. Dance, sing, and swim with abandon - especially in foreign waters. Travel to expand your heart and understanding of others. Listen to live music. Let loose sometimes.

 

As soon as I understood the task - to imagine what I would say to my loved ones if I could speak to them at my funeral - I thought of the beautiful poem I first heard in the TV series After Life: Immortality.


That poem is what I would like to whisper into the ears of my loved ones at my funeral.


You can watch and listen to "Lisa's poem" from After Life here.

Immortality

Do not stand

By my grave, and weep.

I am not there,

I do not sleep—

I am the thousand winds that blow

I am the diamond glints in snow

I am the sunlight on ripened grain,

I am the gentle, autumn rain.

As you awake with morning’s hush,

I am the swift, up-flinging rush

Of quiet birds in circling flight,

I am the day transcending night.

Do not stand

By my grave, and cry—

I am not there,

I did not die.

/ Clare Harner, The Gypsy, December 1934

Then I would add:

Whenever you need me, just listen to your heart. I will be there. Always.

What will you whisper to your loved ones as a final blessing?  

Your ethical will: What will your epitaph say?

Welcome to tell your life story by answering 12 questions!

This series of blog posts is inspired by the book For you when I am gone by Steve Leder.

Together we will answer one question at the time, giving us a story to share with our loved ones. We will also give ourselves a chance to reflect. Are we living according to our values?

You are more than welcome to share your answer in a comment.


As Steve Leder puts it:

Telling our stories is a way to share whatever meaning and joy we have found along the way, the depth of our love for others and for life itself.

To share our story with someone is to say, you matter to me.

Question 11:  What will your epitaph say?

According to Steve, most of us feel like an imposter at some point because we are not really who others believe we are. To align as much as we can to our values, we need to know them well. Writing an epitaph while we are still alive can give us the clarity we need.


“Whether or not you plan to have a grave or a headstone, you can use the constraints they require to clarify your purpose: distilling the essence of your life down to four lines with no more than fifteen characters per line.”

Here are two examples from the book:

“Loving mother & Friend


Because nothing else matters.”

***

“In the end, together again.”

*** 

It didn’t take me long to come up with the essence of my epitaph - but it took me a while to shorten it to fit into the epitaph format of 4 lines with up to 15 characters per line:

Touching hearts

& Opening minds

She loved

And was loved

What will your epitaph say?

Are you living up to the words?

If not, it’s never too late to change...

Your ethical will: What is good advice?

Welcome back to Twelve essential questions to tell a life story.

By joining me in twelve blog posts you will create what Rabbi Leder calls your ethical will.

By answering the questions your loved ones will get to know you deeper and you will understand yourself better. 

Let your memories bring meaning!

To join – read the blog posts, reflect on the questions and write your own answers. You are very welcome to share them in the comments. 

What is good advice?

The more life experience I gather, the less advice I give - unless someone explicitly asks for it.

For this exercise though, I get to share advice to those who will be around when I am gone.

What Steve has in mind when he asks us to share good advice is to write down five sayings that encapsulate the accrued wisdom of our life experience.

I have collected such sayings ever since I was a little girl and my friend Eva and I wrote expressions and slogans down in notepads and shared them with each other. Nowadays I write them in the back of my Holistic Time Management Planner.

As Steve writes:

“Aphorisms, expressions, proverbs, and slogans are crystalized wisdom to guide the people we love in life and long after with just a few simple and vitally important words.”


Before I tell you which ones I have selected, I will share five sayings from the book:

Above all, do no harm.

This is of course important for all of us. When I studied to become a life coach this was one of the first things we were told. 

Don't major in the minors.

I like this one since it is similar to the advice I give when I help people find time and energy: Don't sweat the small stuff. 

Here are a few funny ones from the book: 

The first rule of bankruptcy law.

“If something starts fucked up it usually ends fucked up. ”

On respect:

The boss isn’t always right but (s)he’s still the boss.

On doctors and auto mechanics:

If they look, they find.

Here is my collection of advice for my loves ones:

Remember that there is no reality, only perception. As Hamlet said:

There is nothing either good or bad

but thinking makes it so

Leave out any judgement of yourself and others. I like what Dale Carnegie said:

Any fool can criticise, condemn and complain - and most fools do.

There will be ups and downs in your life. You may not like every down, but you would not enjoy the ups without them. In the painful moments, remember what Winston Churchill said:

If you’re going through hell, keep going.

The walk through hell can be tough, but remember that while pain is inevitable, suffering is optional. Let the pain flow through you rather than getting stuck deep inside. Dare to feel every emotion that comes to you.

And most of all, always remember:

Det löser sig. 

It will work out. You may not know how or when, but it will work out. It always does.

**

Now it's your turn. 

What 5 top sayings do you want your loved ones to keep in mind?

Your ethical will: How do you want to be remembered?

Welcome back to Twelve essential questions to tell a life story.

By joining me in twelve blog posts you will create what Rabbi Leder calls your ethical will.

By answering the questions your loved ones will get to know you deeper and you will understand yourself better. 

Let your memories bring meaning!

To join – read the blog posts, reflect on the questions and write your own answers. You are very welcome to share them in the comments.

How do you want to be remembered?

To my surprise, many people who were quoted in the book answered this question with specific details. For example:

“I am hiking among tall redwood trees, wearing jeans and a sweatshirt. I am fifty years old, with my dog.”

If you have followed me long enough to know one of my favourite artists, you will understand why I like this answer:

“Maybe I am on the beach, it’s a warm day, and I’m in a long, flowy white dress. I am with Elvis.”

When I think of my mother, I don’t think of her in one way, or at one age. It varies. Sometimes I see her as she looked in her sixties, sometimes as I remember her in her forties, and - surprisingly - sometimes I think of her in her twenties, the way I see her on photographs from that time.

I don’t want to be remembered at a certain age or in particular clothes. I want everyone who remembers me to remember me in their own way.

I want my loved ones to remember my smile, my inner drive and most of all my love. And then I hope each and every person who has met me will have their own treasured memories and moments with me that they can look back on with a warm feeling in their heart.

How do you want to be remembered?

How to find time in September. Long term planning

Welcome to How to find time in September!

At this time of year we still have some time to achieve goals we set at the beginning of the year. Long term planning will help us get from where we are to where we want to be.

This month I am going to tell you about 3 different ways of planning to achieve goals. As I explain in the video, different approaches are suitable for different types of goals. 

Tools and guidance

After you have watched the video, decide what approach will help you best. 

Do you know what you need to do to get to your goal?

Then use a work breakdown structure.

You can find a good description here.

Is it a goal you don't really know how to achieve?

Use a problem statement and an issue tree.
Read this blogpost about how to use a problem statement and 

Read this blogpost about how to use an issue tree.

Is it a goal, or even a dream, where progress is more important than meeting a specific deadline?

Use the Vision-Next Step approach I describe in the video.

I hope you will enjoy finding time!

Would you like tailored help to plan well?

Send me an email or book a short intro call to see if and how I can help. https://calendly.com/annikaslol/15min-intro-call

info@annikarosendahl.com

You can also read more at www.annikarosendahl.com

Your ethical will: Have you ever cut someone out of your life?

Welcome to tell your life story by answering 12 questions!

This series of blog posts is inspired by the book For you when I am gone by Steve Leder.

Together we will answer one question at the time, giving us a story to share with our loved ones. We will also give ourselves a chance to reflect. Are we living according to our values?

You are more than welcome to share your answer in a comment.

As Steve Leder puts it:

Telling our stories is a way to share whatever meaning and joy we have found along the way, the depth of our love for others and for life itself.

To share our story with someone is to say, you matter to me.

Question 8: Have you ever cut someone out of your life?

The wording of the question sounds American to me. "Cut someone out of your life". I don't think we have an expression for that in Swedish. We might say that we avoid or dislike someone, but I can't really think of a similar expression to cut someone out.

So why is this question included when we write something we want to share with our loved ones?

Steve explains it this way:

“...there are times when we courageously and sometimes painfully have to stand up for ourselves.”

Here are some answers from the book:

“Are we staying because of people-pleasing or thinking that we are someone’s last hope? That’s just ego-centred and not truly benefiting anyone. No, some of my most dramatic growth has come from those times that I have spoken, clearly and boldly, ‘You shall not pass’.”

“Seeing each person for who they are, not who you need them to be, is the key to avoiding people who are not good for you. They may be good people, they just aren’t good for you.”

I haven't cut anyone out of my life, but I have stood up for myself when I felt I needed to and avoided people who didn't feel right for me.

The closest I ever came to cutting someone out was after a guy slapped me in the face. I was a teenager at the time and it shocked me. I had never been hit before (or since).

Years later I saw a scene in a film where a man was hitting a woman. When she hit back, he grabbed her wrists and said:

"Stop it. No matter how much you hurt me, I can hurt you more".

It reminded me of the powerlessness I felt when I was hit by someone stronger than me.

I didn't physically "cut him out of my life", but mentally I did. I stopped talking to him, I stopped caring about him. Years later, I found a way to forgive. I understood that he was full of pain. The slap had nothing to do with me, he just couldn't contain his anger and I got caught in the crossfire.

This experience, along with living in a far from safe neighbourhood when I moved to Den Haag, made me learn jiu-jitsu. Of course I would rather stay away from any kind of violence, but I guess I was no longer sure that I could. Learning jiu-jitsu helped me to overcome the feeling of powerlessness I felt when I was hit.

How about you?


Have you cut someone out of your life?


Have you stood up for yourself in a way that ended a relationship?


What did you learn from it?


Reflect and write down these important answers in your “ethical will”.

How to find time in August - fit in more with combinations

Welcome to How To Find Time In August!

This month, I want to help you optimise the time you have.

You may know by now that we all receive a Glass of time each week.

To use the time in that glass well, we need to secure our Energy with Needs-time and our Enthusiasm with Want-time before we spend all available time on the things we feel we "should" do. 

This month I give suggestions on how to combine activities in your Needs-, Want- and "Shoulds" time. When you find good combinations you can fit more into your glass of time.

There are many ways to combine different tasks. Before you listen to the tips in the video, let me warn you about a common misunderstanding.

Many people think efficiency means doing something every single minute of the day. They confuse efficiency with being busy. 

What I teach is not being busy, it is peacefully getting things done while enjoying each moment.

Keep that in mind when you listen to the video for tips about putting children to bed, doing dishes, and cleaning the house in ways that are fun, meaningful and efficient.

When you listen to the video, keep paper and pen with you (or use your computer with notifications and distractions turned off) and write down combinations you want to try out.

Remember, this is NOT about cramming in activities. That will just give you a false feeling of efficiency. Instead, focus on making each activity worthwhile and fun. We can multitask but we cannot multi-think as I describe in the blogpost Multitasking vs. Multi-thinking. 

I hope you will enjoy finding time with fun combinations!

Going deeper

If you want to learn how to peacefully get more done with less effort and deeper joy I recommend you read my books about finding time. 

Beyond Efficiency - Escape the Efficiency Trap and become an amazingly effective and peaceful leader by paying yourself first with time. 

If you can read Swedish, you are welcome to read Visst har du tid.

Would you like tailored help?

Send me an email or book a short intro call to see if and how I can help. https://calendly.com/annikaslol/15min-intro-call

info@annikarosendahl.com

You can also read more at www.annikarosendahl.com

How to find time in July - WINE analysis

Welcome to the first month of the second half of the year!

This is a great month to reflect on what we have achieved and experienced in the first half of the year and what we want to achieve and experience in the second half.

To ensure you cover the areas that really make a difference - do a WINE analysis!

What I suggest you do in July - together with your loved ones if you can - is to take time out, ideally two times one hour. Then do a WINE analysis.

I am not referring to drinking wine, even if you're welcome to do that. 

I am talking about an acronym that will help you focus on areas that according to research are the areas we need to focus on to feel successful and fulfilled.

Winning

Influence

Needed

Enjoyment

I'm also suggesting that you look at three life spheres since life is so much more than work, which is the area we typically set goals in. Look at your personal and professional life as well as your relationships.

Use the first hour to reflect on the first part of the year. What have you achieved, what have you experienced? I hope this exercise will make you happy and proud.


The second hour (I suggest you do this another day, to let the first exercise sink in) you look ahead. 

What do you want to achieve and experience the rest of this year in the different areas and life spheres? 

If done right, this exercise will give you guidance for the rest of the year and make you inspired and  hopeful.

The template is available in my Holistic Time Management Planner (available on Amazon).

If you don't have or want the planner, just create your own table. 

Good luck!

Would you like tailored help?

Send me an email or book a short intro call to see if and how I can help. https://calendly.com/annikaslol/15min-intro-call

info@annikarosendahl.com

You can also read more at www.annikarosendahl.com

Your ethical will: What is love?

 Welcome to tell your life story by answering 12 questions!

This series of blog posts is inspired by the book For you when I am gone by Steve Leder. 

Together we will answer one question at the time, giving us a story to share with our loved ones. We will also give ourselves a chance to reflect. Are we living according to our values? 

You are more than welcome to share your answer in a comment. 

As Steve Leder puts it: 

Telling our stories is a way to share whatever meaning and joy we have found along the way, the depth of our love for others and for life itself. To share our story with someone is to say, you matter to me. 

What is love?

As soon as I read the question, Haddaway started singing in my head. Yes, I do have some similarities with Jenny in my book Love, Guilt, and Motorcycles (Jenny, Jenny in Swedish). Haddaway’s What is love doesn’t answer the question though. 

This is one of the answers in Steve’s book: 

“Love is covered well by Corinthians, but I’ll take us back to my Mayan ancestry where love is defined in a greeting, ala kesh ala kin, which means ‘the light I see in you is the same light in me.’ I believe the sages of the ages when they say we are all made of love - and that when we connect to this light within ourselves, we are able to see it in each other.” 

I find that to be a beautiful description. 

The other descriptions Steve shares often describe actions. 

“Love is picking up something at the grocery store that you don’t like to eat but that your husband adores.” 

and 

“Love is getting up in the middle of the night to hold [my wife’s] hair back when she’s sick and puking in the toilet and then cleaning up after she goes back to bed.”

Others describe love in feelings. 

“Love is a feeling of belonging, of feeling just right.”

and

“...the butterflies in my stomach when I would see [my husband], the sparkle I saw in his eyes…”

I like words, yet, when I am asked to describe love, no words come. Maybe because words will inevitably fall short when trying to explain love. 

As one person wrote in Steve’s book: 

"Love is a state of being. Love, if we try to articulate what it means, shrinks."

That’s why I can’t find the words to describe what love is. I don’t want to shrink it. 

So what is love to me?

Love is everything. 

Love is life. 

Love just is. 

What is love to you? 

How to find time in June - Your relationship overview

Have you ever put your kids to bed, wishing they would fall asleep quickly so you could get back to all the things you still needed to do?

If it is easy to feel that way.

At the same time many parents wish they could spend more time with their children than they do and less time with people who drain their energy.

This month I help you make the most of your time and energy by rethinking, reconnecting or cherishing your relationships.

 

Find time in June by looking at the different relationships in your life and do one of 3 things for each one of them:

• Cherish the time you have together
• Allocate time for it and don’t waste it by thinking about something else when you are with your loved ones.

• Reconnect with people you have lost touch with 
• If you think reconnecting will give you energy and joy. 

• Rethink the relationships that drain you. 
• Can you forgive and let go? Can you set clear boundaries? Can you stop seeing a person or significantly reduce how often you meet?

You can use the section Relationships in the Holistic Time Management planner or write your own table with people and actions in each category. (See the video for details).

Going deeper

I recommend Jack Pransky's book: Parenting from the heart. 

Here is an interview with Jack about how to Weatherproof your relationship and deal with jealousy.

I hope you will find time and energy this month by managing and enjoying your relationships!

For more help to get more done with less effort and deeper joy, you can read or listen to my book Beyond Efficiency.

Do you already have the book and want to talk to me and others about how to apply what you are learning? Join the monthly Timefinder Coaching Sessions!

Take care of yourself, your time and your life.

Your ethical will: What is a good person?

Welcome back to Twelve essential questions to tell a life story. By joining me in twelve blog posts you will create what Rabbi Leder calls your ethical will.

By answering the questions your loved ones will get to know you deeper and you will understand yourself better. Let your memories bring meaning!

To join – read the blog posts, reflect on the questions and write your own answers. You are very welcome to share them in the comments.

Welcome on an interesting journey!

What is a good person?

Well, that is quite a question isn’t it?

I somehow hesitate to answer it, because, who am I to judge? Who am I to say what is good or bad or evil?

I often quote Shakespeare’s Hamlet: 

“There is nothing either good or bad

It’s only our thinking that makes it so”

The same goes for there not being either good or bad people. It is only our thinking that makes us consider someone good and someone else bad. 

As Alexandr Solzhenitsyn so eloquently wrote: 

“If only there were evil people somewhere insidiously committing evil deeds, and it were necessary only to separate them from the rest of us and destroy them. But the line dividing good and evil cuts through the heart of every human being.”

Alright, now that we have concluded that there is no such thing as a good or a bad person (unless our thinking makes it so) and that good and evil cuts through, rather than between us…

What is a good person then?

One answer in Steve’s book goes:

“I never lie to my kids or cheat on my taxes. But if I needed to lie to protect my family, such as many Jews did during the Holocaust, then I would without question. And I’d still consider myself a good person.”

So what’s my answer?

What immediately comes to mind is the saying: 

Live and let live. 

One of my book releases had that theme. Maybe you were there?

Live and let Live is something I want to live by. It goes hand in hand with the quote by Hamlet above. Who am I to say what is good or bad, right or wrong, for someone else?

To me, a good person lives and lets others live in whatever way they choose. 

Another definition that comes to my mind are the 10 characteristics of highly evolved beings as described by Neale Donald Walsh. Out of these 10 I choose 3 to describe what a good person is to me: 

A good person treats everyone and everything with great care and respect.

A good person doesn’t bring anyone to justice. They do not punish.

A good person reaches out with love, knowing that only love heals all wounds and transforms people. 

Now, let me know what you think. 

What is a good person for you?

How to find time in May - give yourself enough sleep

Have you every stayed up late to finish “just one more thing”?

Have you put the alarm ridiculously early one day to get some work done before the rest of the family wakes up?

If you often give yourself less sleep than you need, you may be fooling yourself into thinking you are efficient, but you are really just increasing waste time while slowly wearing yourself out.

This month I help you make (not waste!) time by giving yourself enough sleep.

Find time in May by giving yourself enough sleep to be efficient, beautiful, and healthy.

Follow the tips in the video to create good pre-requisites to sleep.

Going deeper

To go deeper, you can read the book Why we sleep by Matthew Walker.  You can start by checking out the 9 min summary by Productivity Game on YouTube.

I hope you will become efficient with your time and stay healthy by giving yourself enough sleep, following these pieces of advice!

For more help to get more done with less effort and deeper joy, you can read or listen to my book Beyond Efficiency.

Do you already have the book and want to talk to me and others about how to apply what you are learning? Join the monthly Timefinder Coaching Sessions!

You can also go deeper with my online course Restful Nights and Productive Days. You can find all information you need on this link. 

Take care of yourself, your time and your life.

Your ethical will: What got you through your greatest challenge?

Welcome back to Twelve essential questions to tell a life story. By joining me in twelve blog posts you will create what Rabbi Leder calls your ethical will.

By answering the questions your loved ones will get to know you deeper and you will understand yourself better. Let your memories bring meaning!

To join – read the blog posts, reflect on the questions and write your own answers. You are very welcome to share them in the comments.

Welcome on an interesting journey!

What got you through your greatest challenge?

Since Steve Leder is a rabbi he is often the first person people call when their lives fall apart. He says he has learned 3 important things from his own suffering and from supporting others in theirs. 

• Denial, ego, fear or shame prevent us from facing our failures, making the consequences worse than if we had dealt with these failures sooner rather than later. 

• Pain is halved when shared with someone we trust

• We endure challenges and learn to live and love more fully because of them.

Thinking about and sharing how we got through our greatest challenge will help ourselves and our loved ones face future challenges. 

One of the answers in the book resonates fully with me, I agree with every well written word in the following paragraph. 

“Know the difference between adversity and disappointment, a heartbreak and a bummer. Keeping a sense of perspective has always been what has gotten me through life’s challenges. It is difficult to count our blessings when we’re in the midst of trauma, but there are alway blessings. Give yourself time to grieve, to lick your wounds. Never discount your real feelings of pain and loss, but also don’t lose yourself in them.”

When I thought about my challenges, I found it hard to select one. We all experience several challenges in life and ranking them can give the faulty impression some of them weren’t that painful. When I think about the different challenges I have experienced, I find two things that got me through them. 

The unwavering belief I will get through it. There simply is no other option than “getting through”. Like Winston Churchill said: 

If you're going through hell, keep going. 

That’s what I do. I keep going. I don’t even consider giving up or getting stuck in despair with my feet burning. When I go through hell I keep going. 

The other behaviour that helps me get through tough times, is looking beyond the misery. Finding the light in the darkness. This is one of the many wonderful things I learned from my mother. No matter how dark it is, there is always a light somewhere. 

As Elvis Presley sings in If I can dream:

Out there in the dark, there's a beckoning candle

That beckoning candle guides me out of hell. 

So my advice to my loved ones when they are facing difficulties is: 

Keep on walking. Hell has an end. The beckoning candle in the darkness will guide you out of it. 

If you want to read more about how to get through challenges, you are welcome to read some of the blog posts I have shared over the years on this topic. 

I thought I was prepared mum

Secure a happy ending

Of course it will work out

Tragic things will happen - and it will be OK

So much love, so much pain

Only life knows its length

How to find time in April: Use business cases

Do you ever wonder if you use your time well?

You can skip the guesswork and the endless discussions in your head.

There is a straight-forward method to making good decisions about your time.

This month I help you choose how to use your time by using Business Cases.

Find time in April by creating business cases for activities you spend time on.

List the values and the costs and then ask yourself if the business case is a good one.

If not – get creative and find new ways.

The business case concept is an important part of the Courageous Time Management method, step 1: Create your Foundation for Holistic Time Management. 

Use business cases whenever you feel you are not using time the way you would like to. They will give the clarity you need to use your time better. 

For more help to get more done with less effort and deeper joy, you can read or listen to my book Beyond Efficiency.


Do you already have the book and want to talk to myself and others about how to apply what you are learning? Join the monthly Timefinder Coaching Sessions!

Take care of yourself, your time and your life.

Your ethical will: What was your biggest failure?

Welcome back to Twelve essential questions to tell a life story. By joining me in twelve blog posts you will create what Rabbi Leder calls your ethical will.

By answering the questions your loved ones will get to know you deeper and you will understand yourself better. Let your memories bring meaning!

To join – read the blog posts, reflect on the questions and write down your own answers. You are very welcome to share them in the comments.

Welcome on an interesting journey!

What was your biggest failure?

Hmm, isn’t this a strange question? What is a failure anyway, isn’t it just a lesson?

Maybe.

In my experience a failure can hurt even if we learn from it. I know the failure I will tell you about still saddens me even if I have learned from it and things turned out alright in the end.

As Steve Leder writes:

“Failure is a great teacher, attacking arrogance while inviting humility, painfully yet fortunately forcing us to take a cold, hard look at our own dysfunction, its roots and its thorns.”

Let’s have a look at a touching failure shared in the book:

“My greatest flaw, in my view, is I could not accept my dad, who was an uneducated man damaged by his poverty-stricken upbringing, a survivor of the Holocaust who lost his first family. He was not the flawed one, I was. I just wish when my dad had dementia and said at the age of ninety-three that he didn’t think I loved him, and I said I did, that I meant it at the time. I do now!”

 

My biggest failure was letting go of Russin, a wonderful labrador-border collie mix. I grew up with dogs and never thought I would ever need to give one up. My Springer spaniel Lotti and I even won prizes at obedience competitions.

Sure, I noticed early on Russin was more insecure than my previous dogs, but we were convinced we would be able to raise her to become a stable dog, just like we had our previous dogs. When our first child came to our family, Russin didn’t know how to deal with him. As long as he was too small to move around it was alright, but when he started crawling and standing she saw him as a threat. Then, suddenly, Russin started attacking Lotti, our other dog. They had been great friends up until then. Their fights were not just skirmishes, Lotti got badly hurt and the fights were hard for us to break up once they started. We lived in a war zone, having to keep the dogs apart and worrying about Russin possibly hurting our baby one day.

Of course we thought we could fix it. Of course we tried. The alternative, giving up a dog was at first unthinkable. In my head that was what bad dog owners did. People who gave up too quickly, irresponsible, uncaring dog owners. Surely we weren't like that?

In the end we realised the best for the whole family, Russin included, was to find her another family. We did. They loved her and sent us photos of her life with them for many years. 

While we tried to fix the situation we got to know great dog trainers and became more intuitive dog owners. By letting go of Russin there was eventually space in our life for Jaspis, the best possible dog for a family with by then three children.

Still.

Despite all the learnings and all good things coming from this situation, I still hurt when I think about Russin looking at us through the rear-window of her new owners’ car.

To my wonderful Russin, now in heaven since long,

I am sorry things didn’t turn out as intended even though they did turn out well in the end. Love you forever.

Matte Annika