Time to reflect. Never dim your light.

"What do you do?" he asked, the guy who studied Dutch in the same course as I did. 

"I study at Chalmers", I answered. At the time I did a full time study at Chalmers Technical University and a part time study in Dutch at Gothenburg university.

He opened his eyes wide and said: 

"Oh, then you're intelligent."

After that, this guy who had been very talkative and almost flirty (even though I had said at the beginning of the course I was studying Dutch since I had a Dutch boyfriend) avoided me. My choice of education scared him.  

Have you ever refrained from doing or saying something because you didn't want to make someone else feel uncomfortable?

I know women who walk hunched over to not tower over shorter men. My beautiful mum found the attention her beauty resulted in umcomfortable. I coach women who sneak away to work on their computer because they don't want their family to consider them overly ambitious. 

We cannot help others feel better by making ourselves smaller. 

We cannot make the world brighter if we dim our lights. 

I hope you will always dare to shine your light brightly. 

For more reflection on this topic, watch this 3 min video. 

Tid för reflektion - Liv och död

Saknar du en älskad person som har lämnat den här jorden?

Välkommen till Tid för reflektion om Liv och död 

Ge dig själv 12 minuter idag eller senare i den här veckan, till att reflektera över liv och död och känna tacksamhet för båda delarna. 

När vi reflekterar stannar vi tiden en stund och när vi vågar tänka på både liv och död låter vi inte längre småsaker förstöra vår upplevelse av nuet. 

Death is not the opposite of life, but a part of it / Haruki Murakami

Med hjälp av högläsning guidar jag din reflektion som du kan skriva ner medan du lyssnar på musik framförd av Staffan Bonnier.

Denna video är från min bokrelease av boken Tack Mamma. 

Jag hoppas att den rör ditt hjärta och öppnar ditt sinne. 

Skriv gärna dina reflektioner som kommentarer till det här inlägget. 

No, it's not too late. (There is no expiration date for your dreams)

“I’m 44 now, I can’t change careers. It’s too late to start all over.”

Most leaders I train and coach are experienced. Many of them have reached a time in life where they have achieved a lot of what they once aimed for.

Now what?

Some are happy where they are and want to make incremental changes and improvements.

Others, like the woman who told me she was too old to start over, want to make a larger change but don’t dare to. They think it’s too late, that they are too old.

They are not.

 Age is a number, not a blocker, unless we let it be one.

As David Niven said:

Your dreams don’t have an expiration date.

 
The true story of Suzanne Watkins is a great illustration.

As a a single mum working 3 jobs in the US, her life settled into a pattern:

“You drive to the office, you sit at a computer all day, you go home, sleep, and do it all over again.”

When the children became older and didn’t need her as much, she made a radical change. At age 60 she graduated as a flight attendant. Nowadays she works long-haul at short notice, with an ad hoc schedule. That may not be a lifestyle for you, but it fits her perfectly.

She says she feels “most at peace with myself when I am a stranger in a strange land and I am wandering”.

This is her advice:

“Don’t think of your life linearly. Think of it as continuing to unfold.”

Of course it’s not too late. 

There really is no expiration date for your dreams.

Tid för reflektion - använder du din tid väl?

Lägger du tid på det som är viktigt för dig?

Välkommen till Tid för reflektion om hur vi använder vår tid

Ge dig själv 9 minuter idag eller senare i den här veckan, till att reflektera över hur du vill använda din tid och vad du vill hinna med innan dina glas av tid tar slut.

När vi reflekterar stannar vi tiden en stund och när vi använder vår tid väl försvinner all känsla av att vi slösar bort vår tid eller våra liv. 

Det är viktigt att komma ihåg det som Stig Johansson skev i dikten Förlusten: 

Alla de där dagarna som kom och gick.

Inte visste jag att de var livet. 

Med hjälp av högläsning och egna tankar guidar jag dig i din reflektion som du kan skriva ner medan du lyssnar på musik framförd av Hans och Johan Englund.

Denna video är från min bokrelease av boken Tack Mamma. 

Jag hoppas att den rör ditt hjärta och öppnar ditt sinne. 

Skriv gärna dina reflektioner som kommentarer till det här inlägget. 

Are you lowering your salary by working too much?

“Sorry I’m late”, he panted, landing on the chair on the other side of the table. He breathed out so intensely a paper napkin fell off. She caught it before it landed on the ground and put it back on the table.

“Busy?” she asked, even though she knew what the answer would be.

“It’s crazy! We have been working on this deal day and night for weeks! Just a few more days and I think they will sign. I sure hope so, I have barely seen my family the last two months. I am looking forward to when things calm down.”

She drank some water and smiled. He wouldn’t let things calm down. That’s the way he was, her big brother. He noticed her look but didn’t say anything until they had ordered.

“I know I keep saying that and every time I conclude one project, another, just as demanding, shows up. Well, at least the company pays me well.”

“Your hourly wages are lower than mine.”

He looked at her, frowning. No way. He earned a lot more than his baby sister.

She took out a pen and wrote their names on one of the paper napkins.

 

“How much do you earn per month? After taxes.”

Proudly he told her 5200 euros. She wrote that number under his name and then 3200 under hers.

“How many hours do you work per month?”

“Well, you know, it depends on the project, sometimes it’s really crazy and…”

“Just give me a guess, an average.”

“Well, you know, let’s say 70 hours a week.”

“Alright, so about 315 hours a month. Well, you see, I work 38 hours a week, so 171 hours a month. That gives me 3200/171= 18,7 euros per hour. While you earn only 5200/315 = 16,5 euros.”

His mouth stayed open as he stared at the napkin with the numbers. A waiter brought their food to the table.

“You may want to rethink the ‘at least my company pays me well’ bit.” She said, smiling widely when she took a bite of her croque monsieur.

Don’t dilute the value of your time by thoughtlessly putting in hour after hour. Focus on doing valuable work the number of hours you are willing to spend and ensure you are greatly rewarded for it.

Tid för reflektion - Våga leva

Vågar du leva fullt ut?

Välkommen till Tid för reflektion om att våga leva 

Ge dig själv 13 minuter idag eller senare i den här veckan, till att reflektera och känna tacksamhet för någon som har lämnat det här livet och tänk samtidigt över vikten av att våga leva.

När vi reflekterar stannar vi tiden en stund och när vi vågar leva de liv vi drömmer om, behöver inte döden vara så skrämmande. 

Dare to live the life you've always wanted.

Med hjälp av högläsning och egna tankar guidar jag din reflektion som du kan skriva ner medan du lyssnar på musik framförd av Staffan Bonnier.

Denna video är från min bokrelease av boken Tack Mamma. 

Jag hoppas att den rör ditt hjärta och öppnar ditt sinne. 

Skriv gärna dina reflektioner som kommentarer till det här inlägget. 

How to be a perfect mum

 How’s that for a provocative title?

"A perfect mum."

We all know there is no such thing.

Yet we desperately aim for it...

So many women try to do things “right” even if it means chasing some imaginary standard.  Many mothers lose themselves on the way. Fathers too, I can imagine.

Serena Williams told TIME that she never understood women before becoming a mum. She didn’t understand why they put themselves in second or third place. Now, as a mother, she says “it’s so easy to do. It’s so easy to do.”

I agree. It is easy to do. It’s as if we, as new-born parents, desperately look for how to be. Often we end up going for some version of the self-sacrificing mother, so often described in films and books as something to strive for.

At the same time, we know that we cannot pour from an empty cup.

Have you, like I, seen your mother stressed out and wished she would take care of herself so you wouldn’t feel bad about her feeling bad?

If we don’t take care of ourselves, we cannot take care of our children. And we for sure cannot teach them how to take good care of themselves.

By the time Serena became a mother she was already an icon in tennis. Many wondered why she wanted to go back to tennis. Why not just enjoy being a mum?

Her answer:

“I’m not done yet, simple. My story doesn’t end here.”

She plays tennis because she loves it. That didn’t go away because she became a mum.

There is no such thing as a perfect mum.

But there is such a thing as a perfect you.

Focus on being you, on doing what makes you smile.

That is the best gift you can give your children.