TFR: Just because it didn't last... nothing is ever wasted

Just because something ends doesn't mean it wasn't good while it lasted.

I know people who feel their relationships were a waste of time since they didn’t last. Perhaps my words can offer solace if you find yourself in this position.

You see, nothing we experience is a waste. I am not saying every experience is desired or even worthwhile, I’m just saying that we can make the most of any event by looking at its greatness rather than its ending. 

Take my friend, a woman who entered a relationship with a man, fully aware he wasn't the love of her life. She felt more friendship than romance but doubted her own worthiness of love and chose to settle.

They stayed together for years and had wonderful children. Eventually, she realised she didn't need to settle for a relationship that felt like mere companionship. She ended it and later told me she felt as if she had wasted those years. I reminded her that she hadn't; those years gave her two children she dearly loves. She wouldn’t want to be without them. Nothing we experience is ever truly wasted.

Even if a relationship ends without children, it still holds value. Another friend believed his 4-year relationship was a failure because it didn’t last forever. But relationships aren't about success or failure—they're complex dances between two people. I remember his early days of love, the joy in his voice when he spoke of her. Those experiences aren't wasteful, they are worth remembering.

Consider long-term relationships, like a marriage lasting over 15 years that ends abruptly. The immediate aftermath is filled with anger, resentment, and sadness—natural emotions in such situations.

It's okay to grieve the loss of what you expected your life to be. Grief isn't reserved for death alone; it’s also for lost dreams and expectations.

In time, I hope those grieving can look back and see the reasons they came together in the first place—the love at their wedding, the joy in their travels, the smiles and laughter shared.

    Just because something ends doesn't mean it wasn't good while it lasted.

Every experience adds richness to our lives, even if we can't see it immediately. 

Take care of yourself and trust that every moment has its worth.

PS. If you would like my help to make more of your time and life, email info@annikarosendahl.com, and I will come back to you.

Vägen till Jenny, Jenny

Vägen till Jenny, Jenny - min första bok

Berättelsen som till slut blev boken Jenny, Jenny fanns i mitt huvud i många år innan jag ens kom på tanken att skriva ned den. Inte hela berättelsen, men scener. Jenny och Peter fanns där, liksom Keyvan, Agneta och Diego, även om karaktärernas namn inte blev klara förrän långt senare.

Att beskriva hela vägen fram till boken Jenny, Jenny skulle kunna bli en bok i sig, så jag håller mig till några höjdpunkter.

3 (av många) inspirationskällor

Careless Whisper

Aah, saxofonsolot. Finns det någon som kan lyssna till det utan att beröras? Jag kan det inte, det rörde vid mig första gången jag hörde det. Berättelsen i låten och berättelsen i boken har inget gemensamt men känslan i solot finns i boken och Jenny känner tidvis alltför väl igen sig i textraden: 

Guilty feet have got no rhythm.

Länk till låten på Spotify.

John Hron

Mordet på John Hron var en händelse som skakade om mig. Hur kunde sådant hända? Om du redan har läst boken vet du vilka delar som har inspirerats av den här händelsen.

Wikipedia om John Hron

Il faut vivre et non pas seulement exister

När jag var ung gick jag gärna in i affärer och tittade på vackra kort, speciellt när jag var au-pair i Paris med mängder av souvenirbutiker. 

Ett kort jag såg hade en vacker bild av ett hav och flygande fåglar. Texten på kortet var ”Il faut vivre et non pas seulement exister”. Orden stämmer så väl in i Peters sätt att tänka och när du läser boken kommer du att se exakt var den här inspirationen har hamnat i boken.

Kortet har jag inte kvar, men det påminde om denna tavla av PO Åhman.

 

Från manus till bok

När Jenny, Jenny var färdigskriven (2009) var det fortfarande så att man behövde ett förlag för att publicera en bok. Egenpublicering var ovanligt då.

Som många andra skickade jag mitt manus till flera förlag och fick intetsägande men hövliga ”tack men nej tack” tillbaka.

Jag ändrade i berättelsen och lade till de ”framåtsyftande kapitel” som boken nu har och tänkte att jag kanske bara skulle skriva ut boken på en vanlig skrivare och ge till vänner och bekanta.

Men så en dag var jag och hälsade på mina föräldrar i Landvetter och läste om Oppenheim förlag i den lokala tidningen Härryda posten. Ett ungt, mindre förlag som hade värderingar som jag delade. Jag skickade manuset till dem.

När de återkom och berättade att de gärna ville ge ut Jenny, Jenny, blev jag euforisk. Tänk att min berättelse skulle bli en riktig bok!

Tillsammans med förläggarna förbättrade jag manuset ytterligare och de ordnade layout och kontakt med en duktig omslagskonstnär.

 

Bokrelease

När det var dags för release (2010) och jag stod där med boken i handen, en vacker bok med hård pärm, tänkte jag förvånat:

”Men, det är ju en riktig bok!”.

Det var först då det verkligen slog mig att min berättelse var, just det, en riktig bok. En bok som fick fina omdömen i stora tidningar som GP och Amelia och som många, många av mina läsare tycker mycket om.

Jenny, Jenny – min första bok – kommer alltid att ha en speciell plats i mitt hjärta.

Du kan läsa mer om boken här.  

TFR: The Beauty We Miss When We Don’t Allow Ourselves to Love

When was the last time you paused and truly saw the beauty around you?

Not just the obvious beauty that catches our attention but the subtle, hidden kind—the kind that reveals itself when we look at the world with love.

During the release party for my book Rabbitface, I spoke about how anything viewed with love becomes beautiful. The more love you have for the world, the more beauty you find in it.

But this raises an interesting question: is a lack of love what hides beauty from us?

Do we fail to see the beauty in strangers or even in those who intimidate us because we approach them with fear rather than love? And perhaps, more importantly, do we fail to see our own beauty because we don’t allow ourselves the love we deserve?

So often, we’re taught not to focus on self-love, or even worse, to avoid it altogether. Many of us are conditioned to think that loving ourselves is wrong or selfish. But when we don't allow ourselves to love—whether it’s ourselves or others—it becomes harder to see the beauty that surrounds us.

I invite you to watch my brief video (in Swedish with English subtitles) on this topic and share your thoughts. 

How to Create and Prioritise Your Lifetime Goals Beyond Daily To-Dos

Are you great at checking off daily tasks but struggle to make progress on your larger life goals?

In this video, I explore how to manage your time and life more effectively, drawing from Alan Lakein’s powerful approach to writing a Lifetime Goals Statement and my books on time management, Beyond Efficiency and Visst har du tid.

Lakein’s method helps you clarify what you truly want by asking three key questions:

1. What are my lifetime goals from where I stand today?

2. How do I want to spend the next three years?

3. If I knew I had just six months to live, what would I focus on?

Answering these questions can help you identify your priorities, organise your tasks, and ensure you're taking daily steps towards your bigger visions.

In the video, I also share practical tips on how to integrate these goals into your weekly schedule and overcome the distractions that often derail us from what truly matters.


I’ll be hosting a free webinar in early 2025 where I’ll guide you through the process of creating your own Lifetime Goals Statement. To stay updated and receive an invitation, sign up for my newsletter!

Your kids are fine. Skip the mum guilt.

Letting Go of Mum Guilt: A Lesson from Siw Malmkvist

As you may know, Siw Malmkvist has been a celebrated entertainer for over six decades and has lived a life full of music, laughter, and performances.

What you may not know, is that she often felt guilty leaving her kids with their father for evening performances. When her children were grown, they told her they never felt abandoned or lacking. The guilt she carried was entirely self-imposed.

If you ever feel guilt, especially mum guilt, I hope you can recognize it for what it is—a narrative we’ve created ourselves.

Prioritise your well being and that of your family. 

Enjoy the moments, big and small, without regret.

Siw Malmkvist shows us that a fulfilling life is possible when we embrace both our passions and our roles as parents. 😊

PS. During the 1970s, when Siw was touring Germany, she stumbled upon a promotional sign that read: "Siw Malmkvist – die grosse Knüller aus Schweden." When she learned what Knüller meant in German and that it wasn’t at all what it sounded like in Swedish, she could laugh about it.  😊

Planning is decision making

Do you Drift, Drown, or Decide?

In this week's video, I help you find the right level of planning using insights from Alan Lakein’s How to Get Control of Your Time and Your Life, along with my own thoughts.

Alan emphasizes that control starts with planning. As I’ve mentioned before, more control leads to more freedom.

First, accept that while your time is limited, your imagination and commitments aren't. With just 168 hours each week, it's essential to choose wisely how to use them. As Alan says, planning is decision-making.

To gain control and freedom in your life, become a good decision-maker. 

 In the past, lives were often dictated by traditions and social class, limiting choices. Today, we face many more decisions, which can be overwhelming.

Deciding can be difficult due to conflicts between short- and long-term goals and competing rational, emotional, and physical needs. On top of that Everyone wants some of our time.

It's crucial to recognize what’s within our control and what isn't. Focusing on what you can control expands your influence.

Alan describes three approaches to time management:

• Drifting (letting things happen), 
• Drowning (feeling overwhelmed), or 
• Deciding (making conscious choices).

To decide effectively, regularly ask yourself: What's the best use of my time right now? 

This habit helps you make intentional decisions throughout the day.

Good planning maximizes benefits from minimal time investment.

 It takes practice to become a skilled planner. Planning involves listing tasks and prioritizing them. Alan suggests using an ABC system for priorities: A for most important tasks, B for less important, and C for least important.

Keep in mind that priorities change over time. What’s critical today may not be tomorrow.

Focus on high-value tasks rather than simply completing many low-value ones.

Planning should encompass both daily tasks and lifetime goals. (I’ll talk more about lifetime goals in a future video post.) It’s beneficial to plan at the end of each day or early in the morning and review your week ahead at the end of each week.

Ultimately, planning is where control begins—but that doesn’t mean it’s easy.

In a world with more choices than ever, deciding how to spend your time can be challenging. With so many options, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. Yet, mastering the art of decision-making is key to finding freedom and balance.

Accept that your time is limited, and make intentional choices about where to focus your energy. With thoughtful planning, you can maximize the benefits of the time you invest and lead a more fulfilling life.

I hope this helps you on your planning journey!



Would you like tailored help?

Send me an email or book a short intro call to see if and how I can help.

 https://calendly.com/annikaslol/15min-intro-call

info@annikarosendahl.com

You can also read more at

  www.annikarosendahl.com

Don’t compare your beauty with someone else’s glamour

Are you unable to see your own beauty because you expect it to look like someone else's glamour?

I like how former fashion model Paulina Porizkova describes Glamour versus Beauty.

She says that glamour requires a lot of work to show off your best. Beauty, on the other hand, just needs you to be yourself.

Watch this video to hear more about this or read the summary below the video. 

  

A glamorous photo involves hours of work by makeup artists, hair stylists, studio lights, and perhaps some editing. It’s all about showing what you consider beautiful.

In contrast, beauty is fully being yourself. She shows a picture of herself looking natural with her boyfriend and another where she looks quirky with glasses that make her eyes look small. This highlights how glamour hides things while beauty is just being yourself.

However, being yourself isn’t that “just”, is it?

There are parts of us we might not want to share with everyone. We might show one side to our family and another at work. So yes, being beautiful requires daring to be yourself, but it’s not that simple.

Social media and TV show a lot of glamour with makeup and filters. We might compare this to our morning look with glasses on.

Could it be that we can’t see our own beauty because we expect it to look like someone else’s glamour?

There’s nothing wrong with glamour. I’m happy dressing up when I release a new book. But at home, I dress differently.

Glamour is fine just remember not to confuse someone else's glamour with your own natural beauty.

Take care 💙

Increase your freedom by caring about your time (without becoming a time nut)

When you think of freedom, do you believe controlling your time increases or decreases it?

Some might argue that time management equates to less freedom. However, both I and my clients, along with Alan Lakein in his book "How to Get Control of Your Time and Your Life," assert that proper time control grants more freedom.

In the video I summarise a section of his book, intertwined with my own thoughts.

Below the video, you can read a summary of what I say, should you prefer that format.

 

Firstly, consider what time is. Time is irreversible and irreplaceable. Many stress over this, fearing wasted moments. While true, there's no need for anxiety. The past cannot be changed; focus on the present as new time continually arrives—168 hours each week for you to decide how to use. Time is life; mastering it means mastering your life.

Lakein's approach to time management isn't about squeezing tasks into the shortest timeframe. Over-focusing on efficiency can strip life and thought from activities. Instead, it's about working smarter, not harder, allowing you to pursue what you love. For instance, despite a demanding job and three young children, I found time to write stories because of effective time management.

Lakein emphasises being effective over merely efficient. Efficiency is doing tasks quickly; effectiveness is choosing the right tasks. Sometimes this means delegating or lowering ambition levels on less important activities. Effective time use is a learnable skill, not an innate talent.

The payoff for managing your time better is gaining control over your life. This control shouldn't be too tight like a clenched fist—compulsive and obsessive—nor too loose like a limp hand—apathetic and lazy. Aim for balanced control, akin to a flexible yet functional hand.

Remember, different people require varying degrees of structure and spontaneity. This can change with life phases; what worked in your twenties may not suit you as a parent. Time use is personal; only you can judge its effectiveness for your life.

Coaching can help tailor time management strategies to your needs. Books and videos provide insights but finding what works specifically for you might require personalised guidance.

Lakein warns against becoming over-organised, an overdoer, or a time nut—all extremes where potentially valuable traits become liabilities. Over-organisation prioritises plans over actions, overdoing focuses on ceaseless activity without assessing value, and being a time nut involves rushing through an impossible schedule without questioning it.

In essence, greater control of your time leads to greater freedom by finding the right balance for you without veering into extremes.

Let me know if you want my help finding your way of managing time.

The balance between living and limiting our lives

When I went to kindergarten, a friend of mine told me she wasn't allowed to keep pets. Her mother argued that she'd get too upset when they died.

Life can be a balance between living life with our hearts open and vulnerable, and limiting life to protect ourselves from pain and sorrow.

Only you know what balance is right for your life.

Do you dare to love and live with a pet, even if it is likely to die before you?

You are welcome to watch this video to reflect on this question.

 

In the video I read from my book Thank You Mum.

If you would like to read more chapters, you can find them on this blog. 

This is the link to the first chapter.

From dreams to reality through planning, habit change and envisioning

Welcome to this blogpost designed to help you transform dreams into reality through planning, habit change and envisioning

In this video I share recommendations by my Timefinder community to help you reach your dreams by letting your daily life bring you closer to them.

We recommend three approaches:

· Converting intentions into actionable steps using work breakdown structures,

· Changing habits gradually with habit tracking, and

· Envisioning your goals through visualisation and experience.

Firstly, the classical approach involves using work breakdown structures. 

Start with yearly intentions, which might be represented by a vision board or a presentation. Break these down into quarterly goals, then monthly targets, and finally into weekly and daily plans. 

This method ensures continuous progress and keeps your goals embedded in everyday life. Remember to make follow-up enjoyable—perhaps involve someone else for accountability and fun. Regularly review your progress and adjust plans as needed.

Secondly, if your goals are about personal transformation, focus on habit changes. 

Identify habits to add, remove or modify, and use a habit tracker to monitor progress. A visual habit tracker helps you see patterns and stay motivated. Recognise progress even if it’s small; it’s crucial for maintaining motivation. Add the habit of tracking habits to your daily routine to ensure consistency.

Lastly, envisioning your dreams as current reality can be powerful. 

Surround yourself with cues like vision boards or films that reflect your aspirations. Music, scents, and other sensory elements can reinforce this feeling. Your brain can’t distinguish between vivid imagination and reality, so immerse yourself in experiences that mirror your dreams.

Throughout all methods, remember progress isn’t linear.

 Expect ups and downs and plan for them. Stay in the race even when it’s slow; perseverance is key. An accountability partner or a mood-boosting activity menu can help during tough times.

Be kind to yourself and enjoy the journey.

I hope these recommendations from my Time Finder community help you turn dreams into reality.

If you want to join the community, start by learning the Courageous Time Management Method (either by working with me or by reading my book). Once you have that knowledge, you’re welcome to join us!

Find out if working directly with me would suit you by booking a short intro call 

Buy the book Beyond Efficiency 

Then you are welcome to Join the community 😊

If you have already lost - do you dare to love again?

 

Do you dare to love again - if you have already lost someone you loved?

Losing someone we love hurts so much it can be hard to put in words. 

Once we have suffered a loss it can be hard to feel secure and to love again. 

Here is a translated excerpt  from the first book in my Ingelrike-Arniak series Qui Sine Peccato Est.

Kendu was awakened by Leyah crawling close to him, by her placing a cold sweaty hand on his chest. He grunted questioningly, not awake enough to speak, to open his eyes.

      "I had a nightmare. You disappeared. You too."

Kendu turned towards her, eyes still closed. He pulled her close.

      "I will never leave you, Leyah. I made that promise when I was fourteen and it will be for the rest of my life." His fumbling, sleepy hand stroked her cheek.

      "Go to sleep, you have an important interview tomorrow."

      He went back to sleep after only a few minutes. Leyah didn't. She knew she should sleep, knew that her nightmares had more to do with her childhood than her life now. Knew she needed to be fresh for the interview tomorrow. But it didn't matter what she knew. The important thing was what she felt. And what she felt was that this was her last night with Kendu. Their last night together in this bed. 

    As the night turned to dawn, to morning with the traffic noise from the street outside, she watched him, every part of him. Wanted to memorise every feature, remember everything, from his unibrow to the foot with the long middle toe. If this was their last night, she would make sure she remembered it to her last breath.

To hear me read from the book (in Swedish), watch this video.

This passage will be included in my book release for Rabbitface Part 2: The Death of an Angel. I chose this part of the book because it fits the theme of the release:

Love & Loss

We will be talking about how to dare to love something or someone that we might lose.

I hope you want to join the release 😊 and that you dare to love no matter the losses you may have experienced. 

All you need to know about the release is available on > this page <. 

Family & Friends. From guilt and obligation to love and joy

Family and friends – Joy and Boundaries

Family and friends can be a fantastic source of joy and energy.However, they can also make you feel obligated and guilty.

In this video, I'll help you find the energy from family and friends using recommendations from my Timefinder community.

In this video I describe four areas:

· giving ourselves time and care without guilt;

· creating a rhythm for spending time with loved ones;

· being fully present with friends and family; and

· building a lifestyle that helps us handle tough times.

 

Giving ourselves time and care without feeling guilty

We've all heard "fill up your own cup" or "you can't help others unless you take care of yourself first." Yet many still feel guilty for taking "me time" or saying no to requests.

When you overcome guilt and people-pleasing, you become a role model for self-care. This is important, especially if you have children. By taking care of yourself, you teach those around you to do the same.

Creating a rhythm for spending time with loved ones

Instead of taking things as they come, be more structured. Set aside the right amount of time for loved ones and put it in your calendar. Find a rhythm that works for you including frequency and types of meetings.

Being fully present with friends and family

Be fully present when with friends, family or anyone. It's efficient and satisfying. Fifteen minutes of focused presence is better than hours of being around while distracted. We usually remember this with friends but might be absent-minded at home with our children. 

I once read that fifteen minutes a day per child is helpful. When I focused on one of my three children for 15 minutes, they felt it was enough and would move on.

Building a lifestyle that helps us handle tough times.

There are times when endless needs arise. This could be a friend with a terminal illness, a child with special needs, or a family member declining in health. These needs will always be present and can't simply be scheduled in your calendar.

For long-term support, build and cultivate a network of family, friends, neighbours, and social structures. We often think we must do it all ourselves, but sharing the responsibility lightens the load. If you can't be physically present, offer emotional support online or help those who are there in person.

For more details and examples, watch the video.

I hope you find it useful.

Could someone like that love someone like you?

We are all worthy of love - but at times we forget

At times we may even believe that some people are "out of our league", as I describe in this translated excerpt  from my book Ursus-dit rättvisan inte når. 

She stopped. Reluctantly. It was hard enough as it was. She wished he wouldn't look at her with his sad eyes. Slowly she turned to face him.

"Yes?"

"If it hadn't been for... could you have loved me? Could someone like you have loved someone like me?"

He stood before her. A big, strong grown man, but in his eyes she saw a small, scared boy. A little boy who didn't know if he was worthy of love. Maybe if she told him the truth, he wouldn't let her go. Maybe he wouldn't let her go back to the life she had. Maybe he would hope for something she never intended to let happen. The door opened behind her. It was her husband. He called out to her. This time he wouldn't stand any contradictions. Still, she went back and put her hand on the other man's arm.

"Love means knowing everything about another person and loving them just as they are. You and I never got that far. So I don't know, I never got to know you fully."

He shrank before her eyes. It hurt her, so she let the words fall out of her mouth, quickly so she could say them before her husband would come to take her back inside:

"But I've never felt so safe with anyone else as with you. While you scare the hell out of me, because I've never wanted anyone as much as I wanted you. No one else has made me so vulnerable. Of course I could have loved someone like you. If only I had the courage."

To hear me read from the book (in Swedish), watch this video.

This passage will be included in my book release for Rabbitface Part 2: The Death of an Angel. I chose this part of the book because it fits the theme of the release:

Love & Loss

We will be talking about how to dare to love something or someone that we might lose.

I hope you want to join the release 😊 and that you always remember that you are worthy of love.

All you need to know about the release is on > this page <. 

Are you overloaded at work?

How do you feel when you're overloaded and someone asks you to take on another task?

• Do you think you could manage your time better, or 
• do you feel that the workload is unevenly distributed in your team, or that
•  the team as a whole is overloaded?

As I describe in this short (less then 2 min long) video from the webinar Time Management and Workload Management: What's the difference, it is important to figure out what the real root cause for the overload is.

 

 Make sure that you are managing your time well without taking on work that could be managed with better workload management in your team.

So, what’s the difference between the two?

Both time- and workload management are about managing tasks and resources, and both focus on productivity and efficiency, but time management is individual-centred while workload management is team-centred.

For further explanation, watch this short video (also less than 2 minutes long) where I describe the differences and commonalities with the help of a Venn diagram.

 Remember to address your own time management before you address workload management. If a manager has poor time management, it can affect the whole team. So start by improving your personal time management before you address workload issues.

Do you overlook your beauty?

"You know, I have a brother who is just as white as you!"

I was celebrating a colleague's birthday when his uncle came up to me with these - to me - strange words.

What he said, and why, helped me discover something about beauty and how easy it is to overlook our own.

Do you see your own beauty?

Or do you take your looks for granted and decide that beauty is something else?

In this 2-minute video I share how I (finally) learned to like my white skin instead of disliking it.

The video is in Swedish with English subtitles.

I hope you find it helpful.

Dare to love and not be loved

"Over the years I have learned to dare not to be loved by everyone," says Olle Carlsson, a priest used to challenging the status quo.

But daring not to be loved is hard, isn't it?

At the same time, it's impossible to be loved or even liked by everyone.

 

When I help ambitious knowledge workers get more done with less effort and deeper joy, I help them choose what to do and what not to do. Sometimes this means saying no, which can be scary.

Why?

For the reason I just mentioned.

We are often afraid to say no for fear of not being liked.

This is instinctive, as I explain in my webinar How to powerfully say no. But, like many fears, it is unhelpful.

Contrary to what we may believe, being a people pleaser will not make us loved, and it definitely won't make us respected.

It takes courage to risk being disliked.

It also takes courage to love.

 

Going back to Olle Carlsson, he says of his partner Fotini that she is "too young and beautiful for me, but we are inseparable". He goes on to say that she is brave enough to love him despite what people around them think.

Do you dare to say no, even if someone does not like it?

Do you dare to love the person your heart chooses for you?

I hope so.

People pleasing doesn't guarantee popularity

Do you ever say yes, when you want to say no?

If you do, maybe you do it to be kind or to be liked. 

Only - that approach comes at a price and doesn't necessarily work...

I hope you will find this short (just a little more than one minute) video useful.  

Why hold back when you can give it all?

"I see a musician in you, but not a singer."

Manuel Provençal, who helps leaders in one of my leadership programmes to free their voices, was told this when he was a student at the Conservatoire de musique et d'art dramatique du Québec.

The teacher wasn't questioning Manuel's voice, she was referring to the fact that Manuel didn't show his emotions. To touch the hearts of an audience, you need to show a little of your own. Manuel didn't do that. He kept his emotions in check, not feeling them, not showing them.

When he understood that this behaviour was no longer protecting, but limiting him, he decided to overcome his fears. It was time to grow as a person.

When he began to feel and show his emotions, he could be both a musician and a singer. Manuel has since sung in operas such as Mozart's Don Giovanni and Verdi's La Bohème.

This video (created for my latest book release) is a perfect illustration of Manuel as a focused but seemingly "cold" musician vs Manuel as a singer - showing his heart so much that he touches ours.

 

There may be times when it is a good idea to be the focused musician.

Other times it might be great to be the singer, to show your heart.

I hope you dare to do and be both.