Do you even like dad?

"Do you even like Dad?"

My client stopped in her tracks and looked at her daughter. She had just come home from work after picking her daughter up from school. When she noticed the dishwasher was still full of dirty dishes — even though she had asked her husband to start it before leaving for work — she voiced her frustration in a way that made her daughter react.

 

For my client, her daughter's question became a wake-up call.

She did not want to be a nagging wife or a parent who spoke badly about her partner. At the same time, she did not want to be the one who did almost everything at home.

Once she was clear about this, we could start working on it.

She realised that she often slipped into a martyr role — something she wanted to change. We also agreed that something practical had to change, too. She wanted to enjoy sharing the work with her husband, instead of being the family project manager who divided the tasks and felt annoyed with how he did, or did not do, his part.

If you are in a similar situation, I suggest starting in the same place.

First, be honest with yourself. Do you see yourself as a victim or a martyr? If so, notice this pattern and start to step back from it, little by little.

Second, find better ways of sharing the work at home. A simple first step is to write down what you do. Ask your partner to do the same. Then sit down together, compare your lists, and talk about how you want to handle household tasks going forward.

If you want support in preparing for and having these conversations — and in finding a way to share the work — I have created a course that guides you through this step by step. It focuses on clarity, not blame, and on making everyday life easier for everyone in the household.

You can read more about it here.