Below you can find another chapter from the book Thank you, mum. I hope it touches your heart.
(For the Swedish version, scroll down and then select Next post.)
"I
cide!"
Before I
could even say "decide" I knew that’s what I wanted to do. When I
said "I cide," I often got what I wanted, Dad has told me.
My brother and I often got to call
the shots. It didn't matter that we were young, our opinions were as important as
yours and Dad’s. I got to pick the wallpaper for my room, I chose a design with
big orange flowers on a dark blue background. My brother and I got to pick the
color of our chairs in the kitchen; he chose black, I chose orange. For the two
of you, it was so much more important to keep a cozy home, rather than one that
looked a certain way. My friend, Karin once said that being at our house was
such a pleasure, it was so relaxed and messy.
I have easily been able to avoid
feeling that my house needs to look a certain way. I do keep a more organized
space than you did because I prefer to find my things easy and quickly (as part
of my efficiency monster behavior). Although my home is based on comfort rather
than looks, it creates a sense of freedom. You also gave me the freedom by believing in me.
I got to join a language course group
going to England when I was just eleven, partly because my brother, fifteen at
the time, was joining the same trip. Still, that was a huge step for me. A step,
you allowed me to take because you dared to believe in me, and my ability to
fend for myself. You dared to give me freedom. And if I, at seventeen years
old, wanted to spend all my money on a motorcycle, then so be it. As usual, you
figured I could do whatever I wanted, as long as I could handle the
consequences. Thanks for all the freedom, Mum and Dad. Thanks for letting me
decide. It made me sure of myself, and my decision-making at an early age, and
it has helped me in my career and my life.
Now, you're freer than ever, Mum.
That doesn't mean you're gone, only that I can't feel, see or hear you. "I
cide" we can still keep in touch.
**
Please share this blogpost if you think it can help someone!
This was a chapter from the book Thank you, mum. A book for those who miss someone.
To read the first chapter, go to this post. To get a notification by mail when a new chapter is posted, click here.
If you would like to give the book to someone you think can be soothed by it, or to yourself, you can find it on Amazon on any of the links below, or you can search for it on your Amazon of choice.
Amazon in the Netherlands (if the price of the paperback is higher than about 17 euros, check out another market)
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