You can't see yourself when you're in the frame

When I was born my hair was black. The midwife thought my father was Japanese, given the black hair and the slanted eyes.  

A few weeks later my hair turned into the light blond hair that is so common among Swedish children. The older I got, the darker my hair became. Now my hair colour is what my sons call "dirty blond". 

When I was in my teens a hairdresser said that she wanted to dye my hair red. I told her she was crazy. I was way to pale to have any other colour of hair than blond. 

(My husband remarked when I told him this story: What, had you never seen the skin colour of gingers?)

The hairdresser told me that my colours would "come out" if I had red hair, so I agreed to the change. 

Ever since that first time, I have dyed my hair red in winter time. I see it as a Christmas decoration. 

If that hairdresser hadn't suggested it, it would not have occurred to me. 

As Les Brown says: 

"We can't see ourselves when we are in the frame."

That's why coaching is so useful. 

My coach (a wonderful Tony Robbins' result coach) tells me things that annoy me at times. I might clench my jaws and say: 

"I KNOW. That's what I teach my clients. I just didn't see I did it myself..."

We all have blind spots. Others can help us see them. Coaches specialize in helping you see your blind spots. 

If you are interested in a coach who has red hair a few months a year, let me know. 

I might be the one who helps you love the life you have created but don't find the time to enjoy. 

The number one destroyer of intimacy

“You never listen to me!”

“You only think about yourself!”

When uttering these words, you may feel as if they are true. As if the person you are criticizing is never ever listening and is always thinking about her- or himself.

What if that simply isn’t true? 

You may be blaming a person you care about because you have hit what Gay Hendricks calls your “Upper Limit”.

We hit our upper limits when life becomes better than we ever thought it could be. Better than we think we deserve.

It sounds like that would be just wonderful. Why would we ruin it?

Because we get scared. We think life is supposed to be one way, and then when it goes on to be even better, when it stretches beyond the box we thought we would live in, we get terrified.

To protect ourselves from the unknown we pull life back to what we expect it to be by “self-sabotaging”.

Criticism is one way of “upper limiting” yourself. It is also the number one destroyer of intimacy in close relationships. By blaming your partner, you are pushing him or her away, denying yourself of their love.

If you tend to criticize people, you most likely criticize yourself as well. You criticize yourself and make your life smaller than it could be.

Gay Hendricks calls criticism an addiction.

Are you addicted?

Stop criticising one day to find out.

You are worthy of love.

You are worthy of a wonderful life.

When you fully realize this, you can break through your self-imposed Upper-Limits.

The opposite of happiness isn’t sadness – it’s boredom.

When I tell my Timefinding clients to add something they love to their busy schedules, they look at me as if I am mad. 

“I don’t have time to do what I want!  I have to do these 47 things on my To Do list first!”

 No you don’t. 

By the time you have taken care of the 47 things you will have added another 48. 

Photo by David Fagundes on Pexels

If you don’t give yourself time to do what you want to do, you will get exhausted and bored.

When you’re bored you’re not happy.

When you’re not happy, you’re not you.

Do you still want to focus on what you “should” do?

Then remember that life is supposed to be fun.

You should be happy.