TFR: Just because it didn't last... nothing is ever wasted

Just because something ends doesn't mean it wasn't good while it lasted.

I know people who feel their relationships were a waste of time since they didn’t last. Perhaps my words can offer solace if you find yourself in this position.

You see, nothing we experience is a waste. I am not saying every experience is desired or even worthwhile, I’m just saying that we can make the most of any event by looking at its greatness rather than its ending. 

Take my friend, a woman who entered a relationship with a man, fully aware he wasn't the love of her life. She felt more friendship than romance but doubted her own worthiness of love and chose to settle.

They stayed together for years and had wonderful children. Eventually, she realised she didn't need to settle for a relationship that felt like mere companionship. She ended it and later told me she felt as if she had wasted those years. I reminded her that she hadn't; those years gave her two children she dearly loves. She wouldn’t want to be without them. Nothing we experience is ever truly wasted.

Even if a relationship ends without children, it still holds value. Another friend believed his 4-year relationship was a failure because it didn’t last forever. But relationships aren't about success or failure—they're complex dances between two people. I remember his early days of love, the joy in his voice when he spoke of her. Those experiences aren't wasteful, they are worth remembering.

Consider long-term relationships, like a marriage lasting over 15 years that ends abruptly. The immediate aftermath is filled with anger, resentment, and sadness—natural emotions in such situations.

It's okay to grieve the loss of what you expected your life to be. Grief isn't reserved for death alone; it’s also for lost dreams and expectations.

In time, I hope those grieving can look back and see the reasons they came together in the first place—the love at their wedding, the joy in their travels, the smiles and laughter shared.

    Just because something ends doesn't mean it wasn't good while it lasted.

Every experience adds richness to our lives, even if we can't see it immediately. 

Take care of yourself and trust that every moment has its worth.

PS. If you would like my help to make more of your time and life, email info@annikarosendahl.com, and I will come back to you.

Vägen till Jenny, Jenny

Vägen till Jenny, Jenny - min första bok

Berättelsen som till slut blev boken Jenny, Jenny fanns i mitt huvud i många år innan jag ens kom på tanken att skriva ned den. Inte hela berättelsen, men scener. Jenny och Peter fanns där, liksom Keyvan, Agneta och Diego, även om karaktärernas namn inte blev klara förrän långt senare.

Att beskriva hela vägen fram till boken Jenny, Jenny skulle kunna bli en bok i sig, så jag håller mig till några höjdpunkter.

3 (av många) inspirationskällor

Careless Whisper

Aah, saxofonsolot. Finns det någon som kan lyssna till det utan att beröras? Jag kan det inte, det rörde vid mig första gången jag hörde det. Berättelsen i låten och berättelsen i boken har inget gemensamt men känslan i solot finns i boken och Jenny känner tidvis alltför väl igen sig i textraden: 

Guilty feet have got no rhythm.

Länk till låten på Spotify.

John Hron

Mordet på John Hron var en händelse som skakade om mig. Hur kunde sådant hända? Om du redan har läst boken vet du vilka delar som har inspirerats av den här händelsen.

Wikipedia om John Hron

Il faut vivre et non pas seulement exister

När jag var ung gick jag gärna in i affärer och tittade på vackra kort, speciellt när jag var au-pair i Paris med mängder av souvenirbutiker. 

Ett kort jag såg hade en vacker bild av ett hav och flygande fåglar. Texten på kortet var ”Il faut vivre et non pas seulement exister”. Orden stämmer så väl in i Peters sätt att tänka och när du läser boken kommer du att se exakt var den här inspirationen har hamnat i boken.

Kortet har jag inte kvar, men det påminde om denna tavla av PO Åhman.

 

Från manus till bok

När Jenny, Jenny var färdigskriven (2009) var det fortfarande så att man behövde ett förlag för att publicera en bok. Egenpublicering var ovanligt då.

Som många andra skickade jag mitt manus till flera förlag och fick intetsägande men hövliga ”tack men nej tack” tillbaka.

Jag ändrade i berättelsen och lade till de ”framåtsyftande kapitel” som boken nu har och tänkte att jag kanske bara skulle skriva ut boken på en vanlig skrivare och ge till vänner och bekanta.

Men så en dag var jag och hälsade på mina föräldrar i Landvetter och läste om Oppenheim förlag i den lokala tidningen Härryda posten. Ett ungt, mindre förlag som hade värderingar som jag delade. Jag skickade manuset till dem.

När de återkom och berättade att de gärna ville ge ut Jenny, Jenny, blev jag euforisk. Tänk att min berättelse skulle bli en riktig bok!

Tillsammans med förläggarna förbättrade jag manuset ytterligare och de ordnade layout och kontakt med en duktig omslagskonstnär.

 

Bokrelease

När det var dags för release (2010) och jag stod där med boken i handen, en vacker bok med hård pärm, tänkte jag förvånat:

”Men, det är ju en riktig bok!”.

Det var först då det verkligen slog mig att min berättelse var, just det, en riktig bok. En bok som fick fina omdömen i stora tidningar som GP och Amelia och som många, många av mina läsare tycker mycket om.

Jenny, Jenny – min första bok – kommer alltid att ha en speciell plats i mitt hjärta.

Du kan läsa mer om boken här.  

TFR: The Beauty We Miss When We Don’t Allow Ourselves to Love

When was the last time you paused and truly saw the beauty around you?

Not just the obvious beauty that catches our attention but the subtle, hidden kind—the kind that reveals itself when we look at the world with love.

During the release party for my book Rabbitface, I spoke about how anything viewed with love becomes beautiful. The more love you have for the world, the more beauty you find in it.

But this raises an interesting question: is a lack of love what hides beauty from us?

Do we fail to see the beauty in strangers or even in those who intimidate us because we approach them with fear rather than love? And perhaps, more importantly, do we fail to see our own beauty because we don’t allow ourselves the love we deserve?

So often, we’re taught not to focus on self-love, or even worse, to avoid it altogether. Many of us are conditioned to think that loving ourselves is wrong or selfish. But when we don't allow ourselves to love—whether it’s ourselves or others—it becomes harder to see the beauty that surrounds us.

I invite you to watch my brief video (in Swedish with English subtitles) on this topic and share your thoughts. 

How to Create and Prioritise Your Lifetime Goals Beyond Daily To-Dos

Are you great at checking off daily tasks but struggle to make progress on your larger life goals?

In this video, I explore how to manage your time and life more effectively, drawing from Alan Lakein’s powerful approach to writing a Lifetime Goals Statement and my books on time management, Beyond Efficiency and Visst har du tid.

Lakein’s method helps you clarify what you truly want by asking three key questions:

1. What are my lifetime goals from where I stand today?

2. How do I want to spend the next three years?

3. If I knew I had just six months to live, what would I focus on?

Answering these questions can help you identify your priorities, organise your tasks, and ensure you're taking daily steps towards your bigger visions.

In the video, I also share practical tips on how to integrate these goals into your weekly schedule and overcome the distractions that often derail us from what truly matters.


I’ll be hosting a free webinar in early 2025 where I’ll guide you through the process of creating your own Lifetime Goals Statement. To stay updated and receive an invitation, sign up for my newsletter!

Your kids are fine. Skip the mum guilt.

Letting Go of Mum Guilt: A Lesson from Siw Malmkvist

As you may know, Siw Malmkvist has been a celebrated entertainer for over six decades and has lived a life full of music, laughter, and performances.

What you may not know, is that she often felt guilty leaving her kids with their father for evening performances. When her children were grown, they told her they never felt abandoned or lacking. The guilt she carried was entirely self-imposed.

If you ever feel guilt, especially mum guilt, I hope you can recognize it for what it is—a narrative we’ve created ourselves.

Prioritise your well being and that of your family. 

Enjoy the moments, big and small, without regret.

Siw Malmkvist shows us that a fulfilling life is possible when we embrace both our passions and our roles as parents. 😊

PS. During the 1970s, when Siw was touring Germany, she stumbled upon a promotional sign that read: "Siw Malmkvist – die grosse Knüller aus Schweden." When she learned what Knüller meant in German and that it wasn’t at all what it sounded like in Swedish, she could laugh about it.  😊

Planning is decision making

Do you Drift, Drown, or Decide?

In this week's video, I help you find the right level of planning using insights from Alan Lakein’s How to Get Control of Your Time and Your Life, along with my own thoughts.

Alan emphasizes that control starts with planning. As I’ve mentioned before, more control leads to more freedom.

First, accept that while your time is limited, your imagination and commitments aren't. With just 168 hours each week, it's essential to choose wisely how to use them. As Alan says, planning is decision-making.

To gain control and freedom in your life, become a good decision-maker. 

 In the past, lives were often dictated by traditions and social class, limiting choices. Today, we face many more decisions, which can be overwhelming.

Deciding can be difficult due to conflicts between short- and long-term goals and competing rational, emotional, and physical needs. On top of that Everyone wants some of our time.

It's crucial to recognize what’s within our control and what isn't. Focusing on what you can control expands your influence.

Alan describes three approaches to time management:

• Drifting (letting things happen), 
• Drowning (feeling overwhelmed), or 
• Deciding (making conscious choices).

To decide effectively, regularly ask yourself: What's the best use of my time right now? 

This habit helps you make intentional decisions throughout the day.

Good planning maximizes benefits from minimal time investment.

 It takes practice to become a skilled planner. Planning involves listing tasks and prioritizing them. Alan suggests using an ABC system for priorities: A for most important tasks, B for less important, and C for least important.

Keep in mind that priorities change over time. What’s critical today may not be tomorrow.

Focus on high-value tasks rather than simply completing many low-value ones.

Planning should encompass both daily tasks and lifetime goals. (I’ll talk more about lifetime goals in a future video post.) It’s beneficial to plan at the end of each day or early in the morning and review your week ahead at the end of each week.

Ultimately, planning is where control begins—but that doesn’t mean it’s easy.

In a world with more choices than ever, deciding how to spend your time can be challenging. With so many options, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed. Yet, mastering the art of decision-making is key to finding freedom and balance.

Accept that your time is limited, and make intentional choices about where to focus your energy. With thoughtful planning, you can maximize the benefits of the time you invest and lead a more fulfilling life.

I hope this helps you on your planning journey!



Would you like tailored help?

Send me an email or book a short intro call to see if and how I can help.

 https://calendly.com/annikaslol/15min-intro-call

info@annikarosendahl.com

You can also read more at

  www.annikarosendahl.com

Don’t compare your beauty with someone else’s glamour

Are you unable to see your own beauty because you expect it to look like someone else's glamour?

I like how former fashion model Paulina Porizkova describes Glamour versus Beauty.

She says that glamour requires a lot of work to show off your best. Beauty, on the other hand, just needs you to be yourself.

Watch this video to hear more about this or read the summary below the video. 

  

A glamorous photo involves hours of work by makeup artists, hair stylists, studio lights, and perhaps some editing. It’s all about showing what you consider beautiful.

In contrast, beauty is fully being yourself. She shows a picture of herself looking natural with her boyfriend and another where she looks quirky with glasses that make her eyes look small. This highlights how glamour hides things while beauty is just being yourself.

However, being yourself isn’t that “just”, is it?

There are parts of us we might not want to share with everyone. We might show one side to our family and another at work. So yes, being beautiful requires daring to be yourself, but it’s not that simple.

Social media and TV show a lot of glamour with makeup and filters. We might compare this to our morning look with glasses on.

Could it be that we can’t see our own beauty because we expect it to look like someone else’s glamour?

There’s nothing wrong with glamour. I’m happy dressing up when I release a new book. But at home, I dress differently.

Glamour is fine just remember not to confuse someone else's glamour with your own natural beauty.

Take care 💙