Below you can find another chapter from the book Thank you, mum. I hope it touches your heart.
(For the Swedish version, scroll down and then select Next post.)
Before I could even say "decide" I knew that’s what I wanted to do. When I said "I cide," I often got what I wanted, Dad has told me.
My brother and I often got to call the shots. It didn't matter that we were young, our opinions were as important as yours and Dad’s. I got to pick the wallpaper for my room, I chose a design with big orange flowers on a dark blue background. My brother and I got to pick the color of our chairs in the kitchen; he chose black, I chose orange. For the two of you, it was so much more important to keep a cozy home, rather than one that looked a certain way. My friend, Karin once said that being at our house was such a pleasure, it was so relaxed and messy.
I have easily been able to avoid feeling that my house needs to look a certain way. I do keep a more organized space than you did because I prefer to find my things easy and quickly (as part of my efficiency monster behavior). Although my home is based on comfort rather than looks, it creates a sense of freedom. You also gave me the freedom by believing in me.
I got to join a language course group going to England when I was just eleven, partly because my brother, fifteen at the time, was joining the same trip. Still, that was a huge step for me. A step, you allowed me to take because you dared to believe in me, and my ability to fend for myself. You dared to give me freedom. And if I, at seventeen years old, wanted to spend all my money on a motorcycle, then so be it. As usual, you figured I could do whatever I wanted, as long as I could handle the consequences. Thanks for all the freedom, Mum and Dad. Thanks for letting me decide. It made me sure of myself, and my decision-making at an early age, and it has helped me in my career and my life.
Now, you're freer than ever, Mum. That doesn't mean you're gone, only that I can't feel, see or hear you. "I cide" we can still keep in touch.
Please share this blogpost if you think it can help someone!
This was a chapter from the book Thank you, mum. A book for those who miss someone.
If you would like to give the book to someone you think can be soothed by it, or to yourself, you can find it on Amazon on any of the links below, or you can search for it on your Amazon of choice.
Amazon in the Netherlands (if the price of the paperback is higher than about 17 euros, check out another market)